Day 80

DAILY SHOW

In the kitchen, Camilla is engaging in her favourite pastime - bitching about Darren. She calls him a 'try hard alpha male' because he tries to compliment her.

Hey, crack, how about you play nicely' Fark, you're like a starving dog. Someone's thrown you a bone (ie Krystal and Jamie have decided you're worthy of talking to since all their preferred mates have left) and now you're strutting around the house like you're something special. Let's see how much they want your company once they've got their mates back on the outside.

Perry is leading the housemates in aerobics this morning. She calls Claire a prude which seems to upset Claire greatly. 'I don't want to be a frigging prude'. Krystal, who appears infinitely amused by upsetting other people, can't stop laughing. I wish one of the housemates would tell her she's getting fat and see how amused she is by intentional malice when it's directed at her.

In the Rewards Room, her and Darren talk about Claire not liking Perry's remarks. Darren observes that Perry is 'good at making enemies' and that Camilla speaks with 'more malice than intent'. Astute observation which elicits no response from Krystal. So much for that backbone of hers. Oh, hang on, there's no pack around her. I understand.

The storeroom is open but neither Darren nor David are around to collect ingredients for bread. This opens the door for Camilla to bitch and moan about Darren again. She tells him off about the storeroom but then says 'I don't want you to think I'm attacking you'. Is it just me or is Camilla sounding more and more like Rita'

Jamie, Camilla, Claire and Krystal are talking outside. Camilla is bitching, again, about Darren. She has 'problems with people who get a free ticket' ' read Darren. She wanders into the diary room to continue the 24/7 bitchfest. She lists all his bad habits ' rude, argumentative, cheeky and apparently has a really annoying habit of comforting people when they're upset. Sheesh, I hate people like that too. Hang on, no I don't.

Camilla moans that he hasn't found his place in the house ' which is hardly surprising given that harpies like Camilla aren't giving the poor boy a chance. 'I think he's playing the game'. And you're not love'

In the gym, Claire asks David 'Am I a prude'' David says she isn't and he's right. She's just really really boring.

It's time for the one of the sweetest evictions of all. Perry is gone and it throws the witches cauldron into a frenzy. Krystal is shaking while Camilla looks a whiter shade of pale. Their newly formed bitchathon alliance is dead in the water after just five days.

Darren notes that it's hard for intruders to come into the house. David disagrees and says it's easier because the public hasn't had enough time to hate them yet. David ignores the fact that, for most intruders, public perception is far from their minds as they struggle to fit into a pres-established hierarchy.

Jamie wanders outside. BB (Mike Goldman) reckons he feels guilty. Yeah right. More he's thinking, like Krystal and Camilla, his next strategic move in the house.

Camilla starts bitching, again, about Darren. She's now annoyed that he won FNL. Someone slap her upside the head. If Darren died on the floor, she'd bitch about having to clean up the mess.

Krystal and Camilla decide to do some washing together. Camilla just can't believe her luck. If only she realized that Krystal's friendship was a booby prize ' pun intended. In the diary room, David is upset at Camilla's two-faced and sucky behaviour towards Krystal. He observes that Camilla bitched for weeks about Krystal but is now her bum chum. David thinks Camilla is doing it for the money. I disagree. For the first time in a long time, Camilla feels wanted, even if she is a sloppy second.

Outside and Krystal is soaking Jamie's filthy pants. She decides to let them soak overnight. We can all be thankful for that, Krystal.

Still in the diary room, and David is scared that he's going to be Camilla's scapegoat. He needn't fear. So long as Camilla has a weak target in Darren, she's not going to jepordise anything with David. But she may throw a point his way just to prove to Krystal and Jamie that she's, like, da shit and really hard.

Meanwhile, Darren is ingratiating himself with Jamie by bitching about David's seriousness. Won't save you mate. Jamie is a girl and has aligned himself with the witches cauldron. He will nominate you.

NOMINATIONS

Jamie

2pts: Darren - don't want to live with him anymore, arrogant, over confident, disrespectful to people who set the rules in the house. He then causes me to spit out my dinner when he says he didn't like Darren telling Camilla to shut up. Yet, a few weeks ago, he said nothing when John told Camilla to shut up for daring to talk to Katie cos she was braying at the dinner table. Hypocrite.

1pt: David - condescending, went on a power trip,

David

2pts: Camilla ' deliberately altering her behaviour around nomination time, 'been a complete cow towards me'.

1pt: Krystal ' similar reasons, her niceness covers up a nasty side, real bitchy side.

Darren

2pts: Camilla ' snide remarks and comments

1pt: Claire ' 'strategical' reasons. Yes that's not a word.

Krystal

Gretel reckons that Krystal is 'blossoming'. How' I don't call regressing back into high school shenanigans and hunting in a rabid pack on weaker housemates blossoming but, then, I live in Melbourne and am out of the brain deadening Queensland sun.

2pts: David - bossy, compares his upbringing to others (no he doesn't! Krystal has trouble telling the truth.), he makes her feel 'insuperior' and is always 'niggering' her. Krystal English good speak.

1pt: Darren' at an advantage because of the 3 point twist, sly and untrustworthy. She could be describing herself here. Darren took her into the Rewards Room and this is the thanks he gets' You can take the girl out of Bateman's Bay but you can't take the ungrateful inner wench out of' ok, I'm getting carried away.

Claire

2pts: ' Camilla ' false side to her, ingenuine,

1pts: - Krystal ' disappointed that she wasn't able to give any sympathy to David. That's not fair Claire. If David was a mirror and his name was Krystal, she would have oodles of sympathy. You're just picky.

Camilla

2pts: Darren ' cocky, arrogant, rude

1pt: David ' don't like the way he speaks to me.

Ok, Camilla fans, you can officially shut up now. They've nominated each other now. Camilla is no longer Mother Theresa. What happened to 'He won't be there for you like I will' remark on the weekend.

It's time for the nomination announcement. The housemates up for nomination are Camilla, Darren and David.

Darren chooses to exercise the three point twist on himself. He wants to stay in the house as long as possible. Bye bye Darren.

The final nominees are Camilla, Darren, David and Krystal. So sad, too bad Krystal. Karma love. Get your hippy mum to explain that concept sometime.

Oh yeah and Perry was on the show however I find the woman distasteful to even acknowledge. Let's pretend she never happened. I hope she gets the help she desperately needs.

Day 82

DAILY SHOW

Sorry about the lack of recap from last night. Truth be told, BB is getting boring and, when weighing up a night of recap versus a night at Fiorelli in Camberwell' well you know what option won. And what a great decision it was. Veal medallions followed by sticky date pudding. Mmmmm''

Anyway, back to BB. This week's tasks is a pirate ship. When the housemates hear the bell ring and BB announces 'All hands on deck', housemates have 90 seconds to dress in their costumes and be present on the ship. Claire is nominated as the captain.

Camilla is initially not sure of this but, when Krystal says it's ok, Camilla is ok with it too. Camilla doesn't need her brain anymore now that she's popular.

As they walk back into the house, they see that the dining room has been shortened. This makes all the housemates happy as they believe no intruders will be entering the house. Ha ha.

Later that night, the bell tolls and all housemates race outside to take position on the pirate ship. 'You all look fabulous' says Claire. No sooner have they taken their position when Darren is called to the diary room.

Whilst he is safely seconded away, Max, the new housemate walks out into the garden dressed as Darren. The housemates immediately pick that there is a new housemate. Max tries to bluff his way through but eventually says 'I'm the new housemate. No-one told ya''

While the housemates reel in shock, David steps up and welcomes Max to the house. The other housemates then follow suit. Meanwhile, Darren is finally let out of the diary room and is in shock when he sees another housemate in the garden.

Jamie walks back into the house and makes his way to the lounge, a long trip given that he has to look at himself in every single mirror on the way. Him and David speculate about the possibility of more intruders coming in. 'When the hell is this going to end'.

Oh Jamie, it will end with a metaphorical smashing of all the mirrors in the house. At this point, the allure of a house of mirrors will fade to black and you will leave forever, led by ninjas promising you a place where there are even more mirrors, brown headbands, filthy beige slacks and underage Asian hookers. Nirvana. Yet, karma must be satiated and, so, when you leave, there will be a braying donkey, Katie, waiting for you instead. That shall be your only prize.

Max is called to the diary room. Camilla and Krystal wait for him outside, salivating. 'He's nice' says Camilla gleefully. When Max emerges with his luggage, Camilla can barely control herself. 'Can I see your stuff' Like a dog on baked ham.'

David and Darren are in the kitchen. David is pleased that there are new housemates. Darren, however, is almost hysterical. He immediately talks about how he is going to smash everyone on FNL and then promises to take David in because they're buddies. Darren is feeling hopelessly insecure and is desperate to shore up the friendship.

The housemates are called to the diary room. David goes to sit next to Camilla but she only has eyes for Max and screams 'Come sit next to meeeeee Max'. David quietly obliges and sits on the other side. She links arms with Max and leans on him.

BB tells the housemates that Max is a proper housemate and not an intruder. Hence he will nominate on Monday and can be nominated. He then informs the housemates that, in honour of Max' arrival, there is a treat in the treasure chest outside.

Whilst this is going on, second new housemate, Chris, is maneuvered into the treasure chest by the able ninjas. These guys are the real entertainment.

The housemates race to the chest and open it, whereupon they discover Chris inside. Krystal and Camilla are sliding off their chairs, like 14 year olds at a BROS concert. It's riveting stuff.

The arrival of a second housemate has flummoxed David, while enraging Darren who storms into the diary room. He is not happy about the new housemates, but is happy that he outlasted Perry and Lauren.

Krystal and Camilla race into the bedroom and hurriedly apply more slap, not realizing, perhaps, that both Chris and Max will have seen their non-made up faces on television.

Chris is called to the diary room to collect his luggage. Camilla is lapping at his heels as he goes and then camps outside the diary room, waiting for him. Embarassed yet Cam' Cos you should be.

Max tells the housemates that he brought in a present for Perry ' a t-shirt saying 'Let's not spoil the moment by talking'. Darren volunteers that Camilla could have it, resulting in Camilla getting out her claws and saying 'I don't think so. I think you do a fair bit of talking'. She then looks to Queen Krystal for her approval.

As Darren stalks into the bathroom, Camilla says, under her breath of course, 'Little Man Syndrome'. She's so nice these days isn't she' Nasty to all and sundry except for Krystal, who has become her new idol in the house.

Late, in the diary room, Darren reveals that he refuses to take **** from Camilla. Seeing as it may be his last week, he's going to adopt a kamikaze approach and not let her get away with anything. This can only be good for our entertainment quotient people.

Camilla and Krystal are giggling about the boys wearing knickers in the bedroom. Oh god, it's like the Babysitter's Club all over again except with breast implants and rabid complexions.

Darren continues to moan to David about the new housemates. He is annoyed that there are more straight blokes in the house because he enjoyed his and Jamie's friendship. When Max joins the conversation, Daren advises him to 'be yourself as fast as you can be'.

Max leaves and Darren starts to moan about Camilla. He observes, quite correctly, that Camilla was all over him on his first night in the house, but then began to dislike him. Camilla has been like that all along. She gets excited by the first impression but always ends up disappointed by the reality. She then takes out her disappointment on others by way of snide remarks and bullying.

Speaking of our fickle friend, Camilla is hugging on Max. He seems somewhat overwhelmed.

Jamie comments to Claire that Darren isn't happy. 'I think he might be sulking even'. Well Jamie would know I guess what sulking is. Claire, though, thinks that Darren is just annoyed at Camilla's behaviour. Him and much of Australia Claire.

We end tonight's show with Darren bitching to Chris about Camilla. It's starting to get tedious and I'm starting to get tired so let's just say that Darren needs to build a bridge. Camilla is what she is. She's like a driving test. You hate it while it happens and you're glad afterwards that you'll never have to do it again.

Day 83

DAILY SHOW

*Sigh* It's Krystal's birthday. Oh God, why us' The girl is already unbelievably self-obsessed. Now a whole day where she can legitimately be the centre of attention' It's going to be hell.

In the diary room, BB issues a challenge to Captain Claire. Claire is proof that, for some people, mornings really aren't the time they are at their best. BB informs Claire that, if she acts like a real captain, and forces her housemates to pass the task, BB will triple the housemates' budget. She is able to choose a first mate ' out of Chris and Max ' to help her.

Out on the pirate ship, Claire chooses Chris who then has to read a letter from BB. He informs the housemates that, while they have to exist on staples, him and Captain will eat in luxury. David is called to the storeroom where he finds a cooked breakfast of blueberry pancakes for Claire and Chris.

The housemates can only look on while they eat. Krystal and Camilla bitch and moan even though, if they were eating the food, they'd equally bitch about getting fat. No pleasing some people.

Later the housemates are sunbaking when BB announces that Claire and Chris' lunch has arrived. Claire is excited and tells the others what they are having. This simple imparting of information annoys Camilla who says 'I wouldn't rub it in Claire'. Camilla adopts her usual method of telling someone off but then pulling away from the conversation.

Darren suggests to Krystal that they have a mutiny. Krystal reckons that's not a good idea. Darren then heads to what he thinks are greener pastures and asks Jamie. Jamie doesn't think it's a good idea. We are also treated to a close up of the bottom of Jamie's feet, which seem to harbour a whole third world of dirt. He's such a filthy pig.

Camilla has cut into a new load of bread, despite there being an old one. According to Camilla, she did it because she wanted warm bread, not thinking of the impact on other housemates ' ie that two loaves will now go stale simultaneously.

'That's real smart' says Darren. Camilla retaliates by saying that she wanted it so therefore 'I'm going to have it'. 'That's stupid' retorts Darren. 'I think you're overreacting. It's bread Darren'.

Does Camilla ever listen to herself' Only two weeks ago, she and Perry had this exact same argument over cheese, where Camilla reiterated over and over again for Perry to consider the needs of other housemates. Camilla is just a vile, nasty, hypocritical little turd who needs shoveling out of that house.

Later, she bitches to Krystal about, who else, Darren. She then mimics David and him standing up for people. She speculates that David doesn't see through Darren because he's attracted to him. Camilla is still so very burnt over the fact that David is not attracted to her but is attracted to a garden gnome like Darren. That's gotta hurt.

The bell tolls and the housemates race outside. Claire is screaming at the housemates and threatens them with having to scrub the toilet with a toothbrush. I reckon having to scrub Jamie's feet with a toothbrush would be a better punishment.

*Sigh* It's Krystal's birthday. The housemates emerge from the bedroom and discover a chocolate fountain and profiteroles. Camilla, thrilled she finally has a friend her parents didn't rescue from the RSPCA ' again ' is hugging on Krystal and mugging for the camera with chocolate covered teeth.

BB turns on the music, resulting in much teeth clenched dancing. Krystal fast forwards to five years when she's working as an 'exotic dancer' while Jamie examines himself in the mirror and dances with his own reflection. Hey, like, no-one moves, like, he, like can.

Claire is called to the diary room where she is informed by BB of the proposed mutiny. 'You must quash this'. Claire asks what quash means. God she's an idiot. BB tells her to make an example out of one pirate, who is to be marooned on dead man's island. Claire chooses Darren who she thinks is the only housemate cheeky enough to suggest mutiny.

Krystal and Jamie are talking. Camilla is hanging around, though, like a bad smell and tries to interrupt. She starts making fun of them and tells Chris that Jamie and Krystal were supposed to have hooked up. Well it's possible, I guess. They do share a mutual love of mirrors and reflective surfaces,

Jamie admits that he did like Kyrstal to begin with but now they're like brother and sister. Camilla is grunting and snorting.

The bell tolls and the housemates race to the ship. Claire informs them that a housemate has been indulging in mutinous talk. She banishes Darren to the island. The housemates are then told to stand down, except for Darren who has to stay on the island.

Inside the house, Camilla suggests 'why don't we throw rocks at him'. Yep, she actually said that. What a nasty piece of filth.

Meanwhile, Darren is crying outside. Claire eventually goes to free him but immediately notices that he is upset.

Darren walks straight into the bedroom, not making eye contact with anyone and gets into bed. This amuses Krystal who starts to laugh. Classless tart.

Thankfully, despite the two cracks who seem to derive amusement from others' pain, David still seems to have some human decency. 'What's up'' Darren relates him to him a story from his childhood where he was made to sit outside for hours by a teacher and developed hypothermia. He starts to cry again.

David is sweet and pats him on the head saying 'Don't worry about it mate'.

Day 84

DAILY SHOW

We open tonight's episode with BB announcing that Claire and Chris' breakfast is ready. There's bacon, eggs, tomatoes and mushrooms. David, the chef, is confused as to why Claire would choose Chris as a first mate over the original housemates.

Meanwhile Max is stirring some porridge but clearly doesn't find it appetizing. He talks to the other housemates about perhaps trading his portion of mince for some eggs. He claims that he's going to vomit if he has to eat porridge.

Camilla and Krystal, meanwhile, are getting dressed in ensemble no. 85 for the day. So many clothes, and so little fashion sense. Camilla settles on wearing a dead animal while Krystal dons a homeless del mer outfit.

Max is in the diary room and asks BB for two eggs. 'No' is the response. 'Well what do you want me to eat for breakfast'. BB doesn't care, despite Max whinging and moaning the point. Maybe if he wins FNL, Max can take his mama in.

Chris and Camilla are talking in the hammocks. Chris mentions who in the house he wanted to get to know. Naturally, in typically ingratiating style, he says Camilla was high on his list. Camilla, IMO, has a pretty good idea that she's pretty popular outside. Confidence is high in the Cammy Camp.

She checks that Darren isn't around before starting to bitch about him. She then says 'I haven't been attracted to anyone' since entering the house. Well let's see about that. David. Dino. John. Ash. And they're just the ones she's admitted to. Does Camilla think that BB is a silent movie where we hear nothing'

Claire comes out to inform the housemates who they will be manning the ship with. Camilla is desperate to man the ship with Chris however Claire appears to be on a mission to rattle Camilla's cage this week and says no.

Darren and Jamie are talking on the ship. Darren, convinced he is going, asks 'Who will replace me' out of the two new housemates. Jamie doesn't respond. Darren then starts to talk about the new housemates. Jamie still doesn't respond.

Meanwhile, Claire and Chris are enjoying a meal of pizza. Claire informs Chris that she has split up friends on purpose because she's 'mean'. Yep take THAT housemates.

Later, it's Darren and Krystal's turn to man the ship. Darren admits that he can't stop looking at her boobs and describes the tops he likes to see her boobs in. I couldn't help but laugh. Darren is so ******* awkward all the time.

Max eventually comes out to the ship, allowing Krystal to step down. She goes into the bathroom where she finds her new lackey, Camilla. She immediately starts to moan about Darren. 'He just annoys me'.

Goddamn him hey Krystal. How dare he even speak to you, right' Cos you're going places and he's just like so lower than you in that blue singlet. You're on the way up. You're dating a lizard and you have fake titties that don't move when you exercise.

Naturally, Camilla mirrors her new best friend and laughs. Oh Cam, it must be so nice to be liked for once in your life. Enjoy it while it lasts darling.

In the bedroom, Krystal is still moaning about having to man the ship with Darren. 'I hate making conversation with people that I cant talk to'. Maybe Captain Claire can put a mirror out on the ship and Krystal can talk to herself.

Claire is in the diary room and is informed that she must send two housemates ' Camilla and Jamie ' to the punishment room because, I don't know, they annoy the hell out of me. That's a good enough reason.

They are forced to gut fish. Jamie asks Camilla if she likes Chris. Camilla is typically coy and avoids the subject by talking a lot ' suggesting that she does like him but doesn't want to admit it. Camilla thinks Chris, who is sitting on the other side of the window, can't hear her talk out loud.

Thankfully, Jamie saves her from humiliation and they pretend to have been talking about water polo. Ooooh smooth guys. I bet he'll never know. Wink Wink.

Darrena dn Krystal are backing manning the ship. Krystal is sleepy. When Darren tries to whistly and hum at the same time, she gets annoyed and snarls 'What are you doing'' Poor Krystal. How dare Darren try to pass the time doing something other than vacuously staring ahead or bitching about, I don't know, the telescope.

In the punishment room, Camilla is bitching about Darren again, which Jamie finds infinitely funny. She stops though when Darren wanders up to the window and says to Jamie 'Don't you feel like a bitch right now' before dissolving into more giggles.

I'm shocked though. Isn't Camilla all real and honest ' well according to her fans anyway. Why did she stop talking about Darren when he walked up. Another joke' Oh I get it. Haha. Camilla is a gutless coward. That IS funny.

Claire, Chris, David and Max are talking outside. It's playful banter about life in the house and the impact it has had on the two new housemates.

In contrast, the mood inside is much darker. Jamie is sulking about new housemates. He doesn't like the house at the moment and just wishes the original housemates were there. Camilla is trying to rationalize things, because she does like Chris even though she doesn't say it, but it doesn't seem to cheer Jamie up.

Sorry guys, not FNL recap tonight. I'm finding it hard to get much material out of FNL other than 'Camilla is knocked out in the first round'.

EVICTION SHOW

The eviction show starts with Krystal and that ******* beehive. Her eye makeup also seems to be growing. Next week, her eyeliner will weave its way around her head somewhere.

Gretel talks to the new housemates. Chris says he loves being in the house and, in a ploy designed to keep the witches cauldron boiling happily, says that everyone except Darren is fantastic. Wow, well played Chris.

Meanwhile, Max is about as offensive as spaghetti. He admits to being a mummy's boy.

It's time to look at Krystal's week in the house. This week she has struggled to come to grips with the house. Thankfully, her fellow housemates are more mature than she is and chose not to laugh at her, make jokes are her expense and dance in joy at her misery.

Camilla gushes about how much she loves Krystal because she's genuine and honest. Which is a relative thing I'm guessing because Krystal is as devious as they come.

It's obvious that BB wants Krystal to stay as there is no mention of her nastiness, bullying behaviour and uncalled for remarks about people's physical appearances.

That's ok though because, in the diary room, all the laughs are on her. Is she serious or is she trying to get on to Who magazines' worst dressed people list on a double dare.

Camilla is next. She blames David and Darren for her nomination and says that Darren is to blame for her and David's poor relationship. I guess it doesn't have anything to do with her bitching about everything and everyone.

We also get to see that Camilla truly believes she is a powerful person in the house. What Camilla doesn't seem to understand is that she was powerful when she was the underdog and had to play nicely. Now that's she's the top dog, and has proven that she can't play without biting, her popularity is on an inevitable downward spiral.

It's Darren's turn and the mere mention of his name elicits boos from the crowd. Which I expect because BB audiences have an average of 12 and, given that Krystal, Jamie and Camilla are acting like 12 year olds on school camp, the little kiddies understand that Darren is just a big, fat stupid meanie face.

We see Camilla being nasty about Darren in the diary room and accusing him of being 'way too big for his boots'. Surprising though is David who appears to be very aware of Darren's machinations and strange behaviours.

Once again, it seems David is the only decent person in that house. He recognises that Darren is damaged but, rather than rip him to shreds like the hyenas, he works on making him feel good about himself. Whether David has less than honourable intentions aside, he's a good person.

And finally, David. He reckons that, after his meltdown, he was an easy pick for nomination. We see Camilla who is insanely jealous of Batman and Robin.

In the diary room, David has had a 'tops week'. Gretel however, just really wants to talk about Camilla and Chris. I thought this was about David' I don't care. David. *sigh*

We get to meet the families but it's boring this week. Why couldn't they get that old hag, Karen, out there to explain why she failed so miserably in raising Krystal to be a good human being'

It's time to go'..Darren. Camilla pretends to be sad but then quietly celebrates with Krystal. She obviously wants to hide the joy until he's gone. She must be a little bit sad. Who is she going to pick on next'

Krystal, meanwhile, has moved on (Darren who') and is worried that someone called her name out. Jamie lies and says he heard people calling out Darren's name. Come on Jamie, even I heard that guy yell out Krystal.

Maybe karma will come sooner than we thought. Krystal will stew on that guy calling out her name all week now. It should be great.

Darren comes out on stage to booing from some parts of the crowd. Even Gretel seems uncomfortable about the behaviour.

We see that he got 73% of the merged votes. He sees who nominates him and, if I were him, I'd be crying. At least Camilla he could probably see coming. But Jamie and Krystal. He thought Jamie was a mate and he took Krystal into the Rewards Room.

You gotta hope that Jamie, Krystal and Camilla watch their time in the house when they get out and learn how to be better people. And, if they don't, can we make them live in a town with other people like them so that they can ***** and self-destruct all on their own'

Darren admits to being cocky in the house. 'I'm always out there'. We see him have arguments with people in the house. Camilla reckons he hates to be challenged whilst Krystal makes fun of his height.

Krystal is so good at picking on other peoples' physical appearance. If I ever make it to an eviction show, I'm going to yell out 'Krystal, you're a fat lard' and watch her crumble on live television.

Of course, we have to see Darren and David's friendship. It's kinda strange and odd and, yet, it seems to be a friendship that is not based upon being nasty to other people.

It's time for the BB 10 questions:

Worst thing: Missing the origin decider

Miss the most: My bed

Favourite person: David

Least favourite: Perry

Most annoying habit: Camilla ' constantly whinging (although Gretel calls this speaking her mind)

Funniest: Gaelan

Playing the game: No-one

Best thing: FNL

Out next week: Chris

Who do you want to win: David

Audience question: Is there anything on the outside you won't take for granted anymore. My friends

It's then time for prizes. He gets phones, an eyecam (wow, couldn't see that coming BB), $5000 cash, Kumuka holiday and a VW Polo. Darren seems genuinely surprised and pleased at his prizes.

And so ends another eviction night. I, for one, am glad that Darren is out. Had he stayed, Camilla would have drawn blood and, really, we don't need another housemate being kicked out at this late stage.

But who will be Camilla's next victim' I've got good money on Claire or Max. But, if Camilla starts to believe her own press, and I think she is, she may just try to take on David. And she'll lose. Now that would be worth watching.

Day 87

DAILY SHOW

Chris is this week's farmhand and BB wakes him early to feed the animals. He opts to take Camilla with him, a dangerous move since mornings aren't usually Camilla's forte. However, she giggles and laughs, no doubt scaring the other housemates shitless in the process.

Later, Claire comments to Krystal that Camilla 'got up happy this morning'. Krystal speculates that Camilla is in love.

In the Rewards Room, Camilla is lying in the bed while Jamie preens in front of the mirror. 'I'm not here to win' says Jamie. Mmmm ok.

Camilla reveals that Krystal was crying and struggling with being in the house. 'Poor darling' responds Jamie. What, no hysterical laughing Jamie' I thought it was funny when someone lost it in the house. Not only hygienically challenged but a hypocrite as well. His parents must be so proud.

Out in the garden, David and Darren are sunbaking. Chris asks Darren if, during the Caribbean feast the night before, he kissed David on the mouth. Chris is stirring trouble, no doubt because that will please Queen Camilla, Wench of the Shrek.

In the Rewards Room, Jamie is prodding Camilla about Chris. Jamie is playing one of two angles here. Either he is genuinely interested in Camilla's feelings, which would make a change as there is only one person Jamie is more interested in than himself ' his reflection ' or he is fearful of losing his alliance with Camilla and Krystal.

Later, Jamie and Krystal are talking in the bedroom. Jamie admits that he, too, is struggling this week with being in the house. Hang on Jamie. Let me just get David to come and laugh at you. Wouldn't that, like, be such, a, like, COOL thing to, like do, like'

Krystal reckons her and Jamie have a lot in common. Yep, vacuous, self-obsessed, vicious morons. They're a pigeon pair!

Darren, Chris and Claire kick a ball outside. Camilla watches from inside, keeping an eye on her new prey, Chris. David asks her if they have kissed yet. Camilla says no. She then jokes that Chris likes Claire. Claire better hope that's not true or she'll be Camilla's next victim.

It's time for the Darren's eviction. As his name is announced, Camilla can barely conceal the smirk. She and Jamie exchange giggles as Darren says goodbye.

David wanders outside and sits on a rock. Claire comes out to see him. 'You're not upset are you'' David talks about how Darren was a good mate. He speculates on whether it's a double eviction and says, if it was, he would most want to be evicted with Darren.

The housemates gather to hear Darren's message. Krystal's eye makeup is a stroke away from being a Zorro mask. The message starts and Darren comments that Krystal knows what she wants and goes after it. He also says, and it's kind heartbreaking, that she couldn't be bothered with him but that ok because not everyone will get along.

He calls Camilla 'the biggest whinger' which results in Camilla, class as always, saying 'Fuck you'. He does say though that she taught him tolerance. Well, Darren, mate, you deserve the fucking Holy Grail medal of tolerance for putting up with that bully.

He tells Claire that she's his perfect girl. For David, he says that David restored his faith in people and that 'I trust you with my life'. David openly cries.

As the message ends, Camilla starts bitching immediately about Darren's message. She reckons she stands up for herself. Yeah, when the person you're standing up to isn't around to hear you. Real brave love.

She continues to whinge, which makes Jamie laugh at the irony of Camilla whinging about being called a whinger. She gets upset, but not as upset as she would have been had it not been Jamie. She throws a tantrum and storms into the bedroom. Camilla loves to be 'real' but really hates it when anyone else is.

I can see why her, Jamie and Krystal get along. They're all hypocrites that will never argue because they shift the goalposts of acceptable behaviour so often that they'll always agree with each other.

It's time for a moment of pure karma. With Darren's departure, Camilla is now dish pig. She starts to whinge about being dish pig. Not all is lost though. She doesn't let the opportunity to bitch about Darren more let slip, commenting on his physical appearance and that 'he gave everyone the willies'.

I've figured out Camilla's hatred of Darren. Camilla says she's real and honest but she's not. Darren was real and honest. Never backed down and said what he wanted. He was the quintessential housemate in that regard. Where the others promised honesty, he actually delivered. Camilla hated this because he was everything she isn't.

David is in the diary room. He talks about how much he liked Darren. BB wants to know how Darren's eviction will impact his relationships in the house. He thinks his relationships with Camilla and Krystal will improve but that he also resents them for their diabolical treatment of Darren.

Camilla is bitching, again, to Chris and Jamie. This time it's about David and how she's 'had enough'. Well Camilla can afford to be picky. She no longer needs David now that's she's all popular with the 'cool' kids.

David reveals to Claire that he's never had a friendship like the one he had with Darren. He then says being in the BB house has been 'the best experience of my life'.

Camilla and Chris get cosy in bed. Chris strokes her arm, leading Camilla to smile. Oh, how sweet. Camilla has a friend. And it's not someone her parents paid. Or did they'

Meanwhile, Krystal and Jamie are still talking. Jamie promises not to try and score with Krystal. Good. We don't need the two most self-obsessed people in the house hooking up. Imagine the kissing. It would have to be done in front of mirrors and they would both have to have views of themselves. Logistical nightmare.

NOMINATIONS

Claire

2pts: Camilla ' made the task very difficult, negative,

1pt: Jamie ' did not clean the house properly, is not cleaning the toilet.

Jamie

2pts: David ' thinks he has a divine right to be here, self-righteous, interrogates people.

1pt: Chris ' a lot like Jamie, threat to Jamie, occupies the same niche

Hang on, I thought Jamie wasn't interested in the game, so why is he nominating for strategic reasons' Oh yeah, sorry, he's a hypocrite. My mistake.

Chris

2pts: David ' trying to put him in uncomfortable positions

1pt: Max ' purely on strategy, biggest threat

Camilla

2pts: Claire ' one of my best friends but she is here to win, my greatest competition, Claire wants to use the money to save animals - wow, that's bad!

1pt: David ' barely seen David for three weeks, quite offended by him being nice to her

Krystal

2pts: David ' biggest threat in the game, most intelligent, biggest game player, makes her feel uncomfortable,

Krystal doesn't like David playing the game, so she nominates him so that he doesn't win the game' But she isn't interested in the game' Is she for real or does she genuinely have special needs'

1pt: Max ' chauvinistic

Thankfully, Krystal did not use the word 'insuperior' this week, nor, thankfully, the word 'niggering' (which I assume is perhaps a verb describing the behaviour of people of colour). She used words from the English language and words she appeared to understand the meaning of. Well played.

Max

2pts: Chris ' hurt his feelings when he made the comment about overweight women with confidence

This nomination will earn Max the save votes of many women around the country. Chris' comments were vile and uncalled for. They have been covered up by BB, presumably because the producers are quite happy to have Camilla get a love interest. Enough of us saw them and will happily vote Chris out this week.

1pt: Camilla ' laughs at him, she's rude, doesn't let him have her say

David

2pts: Krystal ' Nasty towards people

1pt: Chris ' walks around with his pants hanging down, spends time on his outward appearance, I don't like punk rockers

David's second nomination was the most incoherent nomination I've ever heard. I think he was taking the piss though. A couple of times, he was smirking and laughing. Or maybe he seriously is insane.

Whatever, he has failed to nominate properly. He may have failed there but he succeeded in making me wet my pants. Funniest. Nomination. Ever.

It's time for the first nomination announcement: David, Chris, Camilla

Camilla shoots a look to Jamie. Jamie pretends to contemplate.

Jamie chooses to exercise the three point twist on Camilla because he thinks she deserves a break. You may live to regret that decision oh head banded one.

The housemates up for nomination are: David, Chris, Claire, Krystal, Max. Camilla tries to stifle a giggle that she isn't up. Come on crack, don't hide the fact that you're happy. You're real and honest remember'

Darren was also on tonight's nomination show. Thankfully, all the audience members were over the age of 18 and therefore mature enough not to boo him. Darren's comments were extraordinarily insightful and he predicted pretty much each nomination. Gretel seemed unprepared to have an intelligent housemate on stage that she didn't have to prompt or assist. Go Dags.

As for who will go this week, while I'd like to see Chris and Krystal go, I think Chris and Claire is more likely. Which could kind of suck for the house but can you imagine Camilla's jealousy knowing that Chris was out there sharing eviction glory with the one girl in the house that threatens Camilla like no other ' Claire' Champagne television.

Day 88

DAILY SHOW

It's Monday night and Jamie has exercised the three points on Princess Fiona. They hug afterwards and Camilla whispers 'I appreciate it so much'.

David also congratulates Camilla 'You were saved'.

Jamie is outside, contemplating his decision. However, he's not contemplating too much given that he's still within a metre of the mirrors. This is so he can look at himself in 'pensive reflection' mode.

Max joins Jamie and gives him a hug. Jamie admits that 'I feel pretty weird' as he expected to be dragged up into the nominations.

In the bedroom, Krystal tells Jamie not to worry. Yeah, cos this IS ALL ABOUT YOU KRYSTAL. Self-obsessed anyone' 'Love you Jamie' she chirps as she runs out of the bedroom.

David is in the diary room. He talks about it not being surprising that Jamie chose Camilla to take the three points from. He says it's 'strange' for Claire to be nominated.

In the dining room, Princess Fiona is edumucating the other housemates on the ways of BB. Which is kind of like Elizabeth Taylor talking about her strident opposition to divorce.

She then moves on to moan about David for, I don't know, breathing in her vicinity. Her and Krystal are holding hands at the table, leading me to believe that the two have mastered some method of brain sharing. Hey, two half brains are better than nothing, which is what Jamie is looking down the barrel at right now.

David has come out of the diary room and is having a snooze in the bedroom. He looks at his photo of Sherif and, somewhat embarrassingly, gives it a smooch. I hope Sherif isn't a punk rocker. David has issues with those.

Camilla is arguing with people who dare to question her almighty opinion. Claire says that she is not camera focused, responding to an accusation by Camilla that certain people in the house are very aware of the cameras. Funnily, Camilla does not direct this accusation to her two mates (Krystal and Jamie) who are, arguably, the most camera conscious.

Chris wades into the debate and advises Camilla that people are entitled to have different views and that it doesn't make them right or wrong. Camilla starts finger pointing and sternly orders Chris to 'Wait' while she continues to spout more a-grade bullflop. Chris mimics her which will no doubt result in her eating him whole later.

Claire responds to Camilla in a way that only serves to infuriate Camilla. She is calm and collected. 'I'll say and do what I want Camilla' Claire says. Such restraint annoys Camilla who is used to rattling cages, getting yelled at and then playing the victim.

She storms off into the bedroom for a sulk. She goes to her bed and maturely flings Chris' belongings across the room. This wakes David who asks 'What are you doing'' Gratefully, she runs over and climbs into bed with David who cuddles her. Ah Camilla, you should have stuck with David.

Later, she starts to cry. All the housemates aside from Krystal and Jamie leave the room. 'I don't feel like I'm living in my own house anymore'. Ah, it's not your house Camilla. I don't recall when BB sold you the house and you were able to dictate who could talk and when.

She moans about people walking away. Krystal and Jamie argue that the other housemates 'don't know you as well as we do'.

Camilla uses the opportunity to start whinging about Claire and the fact that Claire hasn't comforted her. She moans again about the BB house being 'my fucking house'.

She then speculates that all the other housemates are making fun of her. She thinks this because this is precisely the type of thing she does when other people are upset. Laugh and bitch.

Claire and Chris come to see how she's doing. Not shown on the daily show (presumably because BB doesn't want us to see the good side of Claire) is Claire asking 'Are you ok, Cammy' Camilla isn't in the mood for visitors however, even though she moaned about noone caring before, and says 'Go away'.'

In the kitchen, Chris and Claire speculation with David and Max as to which of them has annoyed Camilla the most.

Camilla ends the whinge session by saying she can't be herself anymore. What Camilla really means is that she's annoyed that other housemates have started to stand up for themselves, resulting in her being unable to bully and bulldoze other people.

Chris goes into the diary room to talk about the nights' events. He talks about how Camilla told him she would be honest with him always but that 'tonight I saw a side of her that was very deceitful and very very sneaky'.

He says he is disappointed that she is trying to alienate people in the house. 'It's a horrible thing to do'. He then wonders if the witches cauldron are 'the best actors' he's ever met. You just figured that out mate'

Meanwhile, the witches are out in the hot tub. The bitching starts up again. Camilla wonders if Chris has been using her. Jamie and Krystal say no. Camilla begs them to give him a message from her. What, are you 12'

Unable to get any more mileage on the Chris issue, Camilla starts in on Claire again, accusing her of not being genuine. Krystal immediately jumps to the defends of Claire, a move that annoys Camilla. She wonders if she's just jealous. That would be my diagnosis.

In the bedroom, Camilla makes a move on Chris. She apologises to him about her behaviour saying that she's been feeling insecure in the house.

Chris won't let her get away with her behaviour that easily. He confronts her on her two-faced behaviour. She comments that crying is seen as a sign of weakness. Yeah well she'd know. David couldn't shed tears without her celebrating about it.

Eventually, they go to bed together. But is this the start of the end' Will Camilla do to Chris what she's done to every other housemate. I say yes.

Day 89

DAILY SHOW

Camilla and Chris are feeding the farm animals, however relations are still awkward after their stoush the previous night. Chris admits that he is still thinking about the previous night's argument.

Camilla, as per usual, blames everything and everyone except, well, herself. She said her behaviour wasn't anything to do with him despite the fact that she opened his drawers, threw his belongings around the room and then bitched to the other housemates about him.

Max leads this morning's aerobics. It's an energetic affair as yells that he wants to see Claire 'bounce'. Unfortunately, all the energy makes David fall for apparently no good reason. It's all good. David is hot. Max ends the session by teaching the housemates the 'Who's your daddy' move.

Immediately after they finish, Camilla speaks to Jamie in the gym. She reveals that Chris took her attack on him personally. How else was he supposed to take it' Camilla has serious issues in facing the consequences of her actions. She either pretends it was all a 'joke', grovels or blames the other person for her poor behaviour.

Jamie tries valiantly to listen but the lure of looking at himself in the mirror is all too much.

Meanwhile, Chris talks to David and Max about Camilla's two-faced behaviour.

Later, Krystal comments on Max being a 'great baker'. Jamie says that Max is the 'nicest, happiest guy ever'. They both talk about how Chris dominated the housemates' attention at first but that Max has come out of his shell.

Chris tells Camilla that he wants a 'hot girlfriend. It's ok to want that'. Sure, but you probably need to be able to offer something in return. And something other than the promise of indecent exposure.

BB informs Max that he has to clean the windows around the pool. 'Again'' he moans before he slowly gets up. The housemates all murmur 'poor Max' but none actually get up to keep him company.

Jamie and Krystal are talking. Jamie talks about how Darren thought that Jamie would be like the school bully. Well, truth be told, he wasn't. He was just a bitch behind his back. Krystal, however, compliments Jamie. 'You're not like that'.

Camilla has been bitten on the ear. Jamie speculates whether it might have been Chris. Well, yeah either that or fleas. Camilla moans that she doesn't want a boyfriend who will argue with her. Well thank Christ we got that sorted out.

Camilla decides to have a snooze in the bedroom. Krystal is examining herself when Jamie enters the bedroom. He picks her up and throws her over his shoulder.

After she has wandered off, Jamie talks to Camilla. Jamie reveals that he only came into the bedroom because Max farted in the kitchen. Chris then enters the bedroom for a snooze but rejects Camilla's invitation to snuggle in with her.

Jamie is in the diary room in an attempt to influence the voting for this week. He says he doesn't want Krystal and the new housemates to go. Well that leaves Claire and David who are, surprise surprise, Jamie's true threats in the house. What are the odds'

He very clearly states that he wants David to be evicted. What you think you can say that and it will magically happen' If that was possible, then we would have all wished for you to wash your clothes but, since that hasn't happened, I'm not about to hold my breath that your David evict mantra will work

Tonight's episode ends with boring montages. David, Claire and Max are rocking off in the dining room.

Jamie and Krystal are talking in the hammocks. Krystal comments that Camilla and Chris are 'rende-voosing'. Jamie admits that he wants to put his relationship with Katie on hold because he doesn't want to have to answer questions when he gets out.

Finally, Camilla can't believe she's still in the house. Well, neither can we love.

Day 91

DAILY SHOW

Sorry there is no recap from last night. Yours truly was, as of yestertday, promoted and, to celebrate, I enjoyed a great evening out with my colleages. Go the Heminator!

Anyway, back to tonight's daily show. It's apparent that BB is running out of ideas given that, this week, we have a mountaineering task. About the only exciting thing that can come from this is perhaps a broken limb.

David leads the morning aerobics. It's not approached with any gusto by any of the housemates. Jamie jokes 'These moves are so fresh'. Unlike your GODDAMN FILTHY PANTS, PUNK.

After a fiery Wednesday night dinner, during which the house bogans went on the attack (much as they do on the outside when they have to endure the indignity of handing their Centrelink forms in), David is in the diary room.

He confides that, today, he would prefer to be on his farm. 'I feel like I'm on a leash. I'm inside a cage. I am feeling'.. captive'.

In the bedroom, Camilla reveals that there is a lot of stuff in her head. And on her face. She moans to Chris about the family dinner. 'I always end up looking like a massive bitch'. Ever wonder why that might be Camilla'

The self-assessment though, is just a lead in for yet another bitch about Claire. I truly think that Camilla believes she can influence evictions. After succeeding with Darren, she has turned her attention to Claire.

All this amounts to is that Camilla hates anyone being friends with David. By eliminating all of David's support in the house, they can be together. She hates that anyone else might get along with David and so, rather than just accept that shit happens, she chooses to attack and eliminate.

Still in the diary room, David admits that he is self-absorbed. He says he shouldn't be so sensitive to everyone. 'Enjoy the experience'.

In the bedroom, Camilla moans about Claire and David's friendship. She dislikes that they have an alliance. But it's ok for her to have an alliance with Jamie and Krystal' 'Do right and Do righter' she names them.

She then goes back to moaning about Claire. She says that some housemates are 'superhuman' and never break down. No, it's just that some of us having better coping skills.

Camilla is in the diary room, further trying to influence voting against Claire. Camilla says that, in the morning she says 'Hi Claire, how are you'' but that Claire doesn't respond to her.

Now, I have NEVER heard Camilla ask anyone how they are in the morning and I certainly have NEVER heard her use that chirpy voice before. So I'm guessing that, since she started this dialogue with BB using a-grade bullflop, that the rest is nonsense.

And it is. It becomes all too clear that her problems aren't really with Claire but Claire's relationship with David. She feels like she can't approach David about anything. Well, given that you've attacked him constantly for going on three weeks, is it any wonder if David isn't receptive to you. Even the stupidest dog figures out that, after 50 kicks in the gut, it's time to run away.

Chris decides he wants to have lunch with everyone, however that will require Camilla to move. Camilla whinges that Chris just wants to eat lunch with Claire and David. Which is bad. Apparently. For some reason.

Krystal and Jamie are watching a magpie eat food. Krystal reckons that you can teach crows to speak. She knows this because that big pile of aged leather, otherwise known as Karen, told her.

Later, Camilla and Krystal settle down for a bitch session. First on the list are Claire and David. Krystal admits that she misses her friendship with Claire and that she can't talk to Claire when David is around.

Camilla admits that she misses David and his friendship. Krystal, though, thinks that David has brainwashed Claire. By being intelligent and open' It's called a proper friendship love. One day you'll understand that.

Claire and David are talking crap outside in the hammocks. They hallucinate as to whether the sky is real. Max joins them whereupon they inform him that the house is not real. Max just seems confused.

In the bedroom, Krystal continues the bitch session about David. She questions whether she could ever be friends with David. How quickly the little tart forgets that, when she was upset last week, rather than jump and laugh at her misery, David comforted her.

Camilla and Krystal are talking about Chris. She says that she wants to be with someone who is more mature. Maybe a geriatric stroke victim who has lost the power of speech might be up for something'

Krystal thinks that Gaelan is 'sexy'. Ok, so Krystal likes reptiles. We get it.

Camilla and David are talking outside. 'I'm so lucky to still be here' she says. She continues to say that sometimes she would rather now know what people thought of her.

Krystal and Jamie start to have a bitch about David. Krystal appears annoyed that David is 'looking' at her. Jamie, who had nothing to say during the family dinner, is suddenly animated when bitching about David.

The show ends tonight with Chris and Camilla in the kitchen. Camilla admits she is lazy but that 'everyone has their vices'.

We open tonight with Gretel informing the housemates that tonight will be a double eviction. This comes as no surprise to the house who seem neither thrilled nor saddened by the revelation.

It's time to look at each nominees' week.

	Chris was expecting to be nominated this week. We see his comments about 'the fat girl with confidence', a remark that isn't well received by some of the housemates. Jamie reckons Chris compromises himself in order to get cheap laughs.
In the diary room, Chris is confident that he is leaving the house, despite having had a great time and feeling like a 'regular housemate'.
	Max is next. He thinks he was an easy target for nomination. Krystal worries about the game being negatively impacted by the new housemates. Hang on, I thought Krystal hated David for playing the game and yet here she is revealing she is playing the game' Hypocrite.
Camilla reckons that he's added a 'light heartedness' to the house while David thinks that Max is a 'compatible' person. Max, meanwhile, believes that original housemates should stay in the house until the end.
	David is just hot. He admits that his personality is become more and more abrasive in the house. Krystal reckons that David underestimates her. More than David doesn't tolerate Krystal's childish pack attacks
In the diary room, David is ready to go home. Sorry, David, hang about for one more week. Some of us want you to win this thing.
	Claire is obviously Camilla's target as Camilla reveals that she's happy for Claire to be nominated. Max loves Claire because she reminds him of his mother. Awww, can we please please please keep Max'
In the diary room, Claire is both happy to leave and happy to stay.
	Finally, it's Krystal's turn. I'm guessing the production team will be portraying the happy, sweet Krystal. And I'm right. Camilla feels sorry for people who just see Krystal as being vain. David, however, sees that Krystal is someone who will do anything to wiNote to BB: being an empowered woman is not about being nasty and hunting in a pack.

In the house, the nominees are told that they have one minute to say goodbye to Jamie and Camilla (the only housemates who are not nominated) before entering the exit room. There are tears all around.

While the housemates wait in the exit room, we have to undergo the always boring talking to the housemates' family and friends. All you need to know is that:

* David's friend, Damien, says he is honest but will attack when provoked;

* Jenny, Claire's mum, looks like a big cat. She says her daughter is straight edged but has been herself in the house;

* Rose, Max's mum, says she spoils him rotten and is expecting him to leave tonight;

* Ben, Chris' friend, proves that birds of a feather blah blah blah. He shoves his foot further into his mouth when he reveals that Camilla is a 'convenience' for Chris; and

* finally, we have to endure Gaelan, who just makes a lot of lizard faces at the camera.

Jamie is worried and twitchy. He knows that, if he loses Krystal, he loses one of his sure fire allies. He can't sit still and continues to prowl around the entrance to the diary room ' making sure, of course, to look in the mirror every 3.26 seconds.

It's time to let one housemate re-enter the house. And that person is David. He hugs the housemates before exiting the room.

He re-enters the house. Camilla is kind of happy but not really. Jamie, on the other hand, smiles politely but is clearly very very worried.

Claire is evicted and then Krystal. Meanwhile, in the house, Jamie and Camilla are almost hysterical. Their instincts tell them that Krystal has been evicted, throwing their alliance into disarray.

'Hell no' exclaims Camilla. 'What is going on'. Jamie, meanwhile, is crouched at the stairs to the diary room. I think this is truly the first time we've seen Jamie shaken. He's so close to the finish line and thought he had this game sewn up. And here it is, coming apart at the seams.

In the exit room, Max and Chris speculate that they won't be popular in the house. Like it's their fault that Krystal and Claire got evicted. They suggest sticking together and doing the worst chores in the house as a way to make amends.

For Camilla and Jamie, this is pure unadulterated karma. They bullied and bitched about Darren. They then turned their attention to Claire. Did they seriously think they could do all of that and not have the universe, at some point, slap them back on the ***'

Chris and Max re-enter the house but aren't greeted overly warmly. Camilla starts to slap her head and sob. Infantile this next comment may be but suffer in your jocks you vindicate little tart. You reap what you sow.

David is outside and crying on his knees. He continually whines 'Why, why, why'. I'm sure Krystal got her jollies watching that footage.

Max strolls out. Seriously, Max could be cast in a 2006 version of Welcome Back Kotter. Can't you just imagine it' He would be fantastic.

Max is trying to cheer up the house by talking about Claire and Krystal. He goes and sits on David lap, seemingly oblivious to the tears David is still shedding. 'I feel really bad for you guys'.

It's time for the farewell videos. Krystal tells David she didn't like him being a 'father figure' (read talking sense), can't fault Jamie (which says a lot about Krystal) and loves Camilla lots.

Claire says Max is a 'sensitive and caring guy'. She compliments Camilla on being strong and tells David that he's 'amazing' and they will be friends for life. For most of her video, Camilla glares daggers at the screen. It must be hard to be confronted by someone who is everything you hope but will never be.

Afterwards, it's clear that Camilla is feeling guilty for being so nasty to Claire all week. Camilla always does this. She felt guilty after Anna, Darren and now Claire but never seems to learn from the lesson to just play nicely.

She then admits she feels guilty because she's still in the house. Max just laughs at her.

In the kitchen, Jamie, Max, Chris and Camilla are talking. Camilla tells the housemates that David has struggled with being in the house. No, David has struggled being the subject of continued attacks from little feral bull ants. Any intelligent human being would react the same way he does in the face of nipping hyenas at his heels.

David goes for a swim and is joined by Camilla. She tells David that 'you're very special to me'. She then reveals that, unlike most of her friends, she cares for David a lot. I'll bet her friends are glad to hear that.

'You be there for me and I'll be there for you' says David. A nomination promise perhaps'

On stage, Krystal and Claire are answering the 10 BB Questions:

Worst thing: food, no caffeine

Missed the most: family friends

Favourite person: Krystal ' Gaelan and Camilla, Claire ' David

Least favourite: Krystal - Michael, Claire ' Lauren

Most annoying habit: Krystal - Camilla, Claire - Jamie for looking in the mirror

Funniest; Krystal - Gaelan, Claire ' Jamie

Playing the game: Krystal - David, Claire ' Camilla

Best thing: Meeting awesome people

Out next week: New housemates

Who do you want to win: Krystal - Camilla or Jamie, Claire - David.

Audience question: Claire ' If you'd had the three-point twist, who'd you take it off ' David. Krystal ' If you could change one rule what would it be ' being able to have a full fridge and pencil eyeliner.

We end tonight's show with prizes. Krystal shows she's her mother's dorda by getting excited by the prizes. There are phones, eyecams, $5000 cash, holidays and brand new Peugeot 206 cars. The girls are reunited with mothers including that old piece of burnt milk, Karen