Day 80 to 85

Day 80

DAILY SHOW

In the kitchen, Camilla is engaging in her favourite pastime - bitching about Darren. She calls him a 'try hard alpha male' because he tries to compliment her.

Hey, crack, how about you play nicely' Fark, you're like a starving dog. Someone's thrown you a bone (ie Krystal and Jamie have decided you're worthy of talking to since all their preferred mates have left) and now you're strutting around the house like you're something special. Let's see how much they want your company once they've got their mates back on the outside.

Perry is leading the housemates in aerobics this morning. She calls Claire a prude which seems to upset Claire greatly. 'I don't want to be a frigging prude'. Krystal, who appears infinitely amused by upsetting other people, can't stop laughing. I wish one of the housemates would tell her she's getting fat and see how amused she is by intentional malice when it's directed at her.

In the Rewards Room, her and Darren talk about Claire not liking Perry's remarks. Darren observes that Perry is 'good at making enemies' and that Camilla speaks with 'more malice than intent'. Astute observation which elicits no response from Krystal. So much for that backbone of hers. Oh, hang on, there's no pack around her. I understand.

The storeroom is open but neither Darren nor David are around to collect ingredients for bread. This opens the door for Camilla to bitch and moan about Darren again. She tells him off about the storeroom but then says 'I don't want you to think I'm attacking you'. Is it just me or is Camilla sounding more and more like Rita'

Jamie, Camilla, Claire and Krystal are talking outside. Camilla is bitching, again, about Darren. She has 'problems with people who get a free ticket' ' read Darren. She wanders into the diary room to continue the 24/7 bitchfest. She lists all his bad habits ' rude, argumentative, cheeky and apparently has a really annoying habit of comforting people when they're upset. Sheesh, I hate people like that too. Hang on, no I don't.

Camilla moans that he hasn't found his place in the house ' which is hardly surprising given that harpies like Camilla aren't giving the poor boy a chance. 'I think he's playing the game'. And you're not love'

In the gym, Claire asks David 'Am I a prude'' David says she isn't and he's right. She's just really really boring.

It's time for the one of the sweetest evictions of all. Perry is gone and it throws the witches cauldron into a frenzy. Krystal is shaking while Camilla looks a whiter shade of pale. Their newly formed bitchathon alliance is dead in the water after just five days.

Darren notes that it's hard for intruders to come into the house. David disagrees and says it's easier because the public hasn't had enough time to hate them yet. David ignores the fact that, for most intruders, public perception is far from their minds as they struggle to fit into a pres-established hierarchy.

Jamie wanders outside. BB (Mike Goldman) reckons he feels guilty. Yeah right. More he's thinking, like Krystal and Camilla, his next strategic move in the house.

Camilla starts bitching, again, about Darren. She's now annoyed that he won FNL. Someone slap her upside the head. If Darren died on the floor, she'd bitch about having to clean up the mess.

Krystal and Camilla decide to do some washing together. Camilla just can't believe her luck. If only she realized that Krystal's friendship was a booby prize ' pun intended. In the diary room, David is upset at Camilla's two-faced and sucky behaviour towards Krystal. He observes that Camilla bitched for weeks about Krystal but is now her bum chum. David thinks Camilla is doing it for the money. I disagree. For the first time in a long time, Camilla feels wanted, even if she is a sloppy second.

Outside and Krystal is soaking Jamie's filthy pants. She decides to let them soak overnight. We can all be thankful for that, Krystal.

Still in the diary room, and David is scared that he's going to be Camilla's scapegoat. He needn't fear. So long as Camilla has a weak target in Darren, she's not going to jepordise anything with David. But she may throw a point his way just to prove to Krystal and Jamie that she's, like, da shit and really hard.

Meanwhile, Darren is ingratiating himself with Jamie by bitching about David's seriousness. Won't save you mate. Jamie is a girl and has aligned himself with the witches cauldron. He will nominate you.

NOMINATIONS

Jamie

2pts: Darren - don't want to live with him anymore, arrogant, over confident, disrespectful to people who set the rules in the house. He then causes me to spit out my dinner when he says he didn't like Darren telling Camilla to shut up. Yet, a few weeks ago, he said nothing when John told Camilla to shut up for daring to talk to Katie cos she was braying at the dinner table. Hypocrite.

1pt: David - condescending, went on a power trip,

David

2pts: Camilla ' deliberately altering her behaviour around nomination time, 'been a complete cow towards me'.

1pt: Krystal ' similar reasons, her niceness covers up a nasty side, real bitchy side.

Darren

2pts: Camilla ' snide remarks and comments

1pt: Claire ' 'strategical' reasons. Yes that's not a word.

Krystal

Gretel reckons that Krystal is 'blossoming'. How' I don't call regressing back into high school shenanigans and hunting in a rabid pack on weaker housemates blossoming but, then, I live in Melbourne and am out of the brain deadening Queensland sun.

2pts: David - bossy, compares his upbringing to others (no he doesn't! Krystal has trouble telling the truth.), he makes her feel 'insuperior' and is always 'niggering' her. Krystal English good speak.

1pt: Darren' at an advantage because of the 3 point twist, sly and untrustworthy. She could be describing herself here. Darren took her into the Rewards Room and this is the thanks he gets' You can take the girl out of Bateman's Bay but you can't take the ungrateful inner wench out of' ok, I'm getting carried away.

Claire

2pts: ' Camilla ' false side to her, ingenuine,

1pts: - Krystal ' disappointed that she wasn't able to give any sympathy to David. That's not fair Claire. If David was a mirror and his name was Krystal, she would have oodles of sympathy. You're just picky.

Camilla

2pts: Darren ' cocky, arrogant, rude

1pt: David ' don't like the way he speaks to me.

Ok, Camilla fans, you can officially shut up now. They've nominated each other now. Camilla is no longer Mother Theresa. What happened to 'He won't be there for you like I will' remark on the weekend.

It's time for the nomination announcement. The housemates up for nomination are Camilla, Darren and David.

Darren chooses to exercise the three point twist on himself. He wants to stay in the house as long as possible. Bye bye Darren.

The final nominees are Camilla, Darren, David and Krystal. So sad, too bad Krystal. Karma love. Get your hippy mum to explain that concept sometime.

Oh yeah and Perry was on the show however I find the woman distasteful to even acknowledge. Let's pretend she never happened. I hope she gets the help she desperately needs.

Day 82

DAILY SHOW

Sorry about the lack of recap from last night. Truth be told, BB is getting boring and, when weighing up a night of recap versus a night at Fiorelli in Camberwell' well you know what option won. And what a great decision it was. Veal medallions followed by sticky date pudding. Mmmmm''

Anyway, back to BB. This week's tasks is a pirate ship. When the housemates hear the bell ring and BB announces 'All hands on deck', housemates have 90 seconds to dress in their costumes and be present on the ship. Claire is nominated as the captain.

Camilla is initially not sure of this but, when Krystal says it's ok, Camilla is ok with it too. Camilla doesn't need her brain anymore now that she's popular.

As they walk back into the house, they see that the dining room has been shortened. This makes all the housemates happy as they believe no intruders will be entering the house. Ha ha.

Later that night, the bell tolls and all housemates race outside to take position on the pirate ship. 'You all look fabulous' says Claire. No sooner have they taken their position when Darren is called to the diary room.

Whilst he is safely seconded away, Max, the new housemate walks out into the garden dressed as Darren. The housemates immediately pick that there is a new housemate. Max tries to bluff his way through but eventually says 'I'm the new housemate. No-one told ya''

While the housemates reel in shock, David steps up and welcomes Max to the house. The other housemates then follow suit. Meanwhile, Darren is finally let out of the diary room and is in shock when he sees another housemate in the garden.

Jamie walks back into the house and makes his way to the lounge, a long trip given that he has to look at himself in every single mirror on the way. Him and David speculate about the possibility of more intruders coming in. 'When the hell is this going to end'.

Oh Jamie, it will end with a metaphorical smashing of all the mirrors in the house. At this point, the allure of a house of mirrors will fade to black and you will leave forever, led by ninjas promising you a place where there are even more mirrors, brown headbands, filthy beige slacks and underage Asian hookers. Nirvana. Yet, karma must be satiated and, so, when you leave, there will be a braying donkey, Katie, waiting for you instead. That shall be your only prize.

Max is called to the diary room. Camilla and Krystal wait for him outside, salivating. 'He's nice' says Camilla gleefully. When Max emerges with his luggage, Camilla can barely control herself. 'Can I see your stuff' Like a dog on baked ham.'

David and Darren are in the kitchen. David is pleased that there are new housemates. Darren, however, is almost hysterical. He immediately talks about how he is going to smash everyone on FNL and then promises to take David in because they're buddies. Darren is feeling hopelessly insecure and is desperate to shore up the friendship.

The housemates are called to the diary room. David goes to sit next to Camilla but she only has eyes for Max and screams 'Come sit next to meeeeee Max'. David quietly obliges and sits on the other side. She links arms with Max and leans on him.

BB tells the housemates that Max is a proper housemate and not an intruder. Hence he will nominate on Monday and can be nominated. He then informs the housemates that, in honour of Max' arrival, there is a treat in the treasure chest outside.

Whilst this is going on, second new housemate, Chris, is maneuvered into the treasure chest by the able ninjas. These guys are the real entertainment.

The housemates race to the chest and open it, whereupon they discover Chris inside. Krystal and Camilla are sliding off their chairs, like 14 year olds at a BROS concert. It's riveting stuff.

The arrival of a second housemate has flummoxed David, while enraging Darren who storms into the diary room. He is not happy about the new housemates, but is happy that he outlasted Perry and Lauren.

Krystal and Camilla race into the bedroom and hurriedly apply more slap, not realizing, perhaps, that both Chris and Max will have seen their non-made up faces on television.

Chris is called to the diary room to collect his luggage. Camilla is lapping at his heels as he goes and then camps outside the diary room, waiting for him. Embarassed yet Cam' Cos you should be.

Max tells the housemates that he brought in a present for Perry ' a t-shirt saying 'Let's not spoil the moment by talking'. Darren volunteers that Camilla could have it, resulting in Camilla getting out her claws and saying 'I don't think so. I think you do a fair bit of talking'. She then looks to Queen Krystal for her approval.

As Darren stalks into the bathroom, Camilla says, under her breath of course, 'Little Man Syndrome'. She's so nice these days isn't she' Nasty to all and sundry except for Krystal, who has become her new idol in the house.

Late, in the diary room, Darren reveals that he refuses to take **** from Camilla. Seeing as it may be his last week, he's going to adopt a kamikaze approach and not let her get away with anything. This can only be good for our entertainment quotient people.

Camilla and Krystal are giggling about the boys wearing knickers in the bedroom. Oh god, it's like the Babysitter's Club all over again except with breast implants and rabid complexions.

Darren continues to moan to David about the new housemates. He is annoyed that there are more straight blokes in the house because he enjoyed his and Jamie's friendship. When Max joins the conversation, Daren advises him to 'be yourself as fast as you can be'.

Max leaves and Darren starts to moan about Camilla. He observes, quite correctly, that Camilla was all over him on his first night in the house, but then began to dislike him. Camilla has been like that all along. She gets excited by the first impression but always ends up disappointed by the reality. She then takes out her disappointment on others by way of snide remarks and bullying.

Speaking of our fickle friend, Camilla is hugging on Max. He seems somewhat overwhelmed.

Jamie comments to Claire that Darren isn't happy. 'I think he might be sulking even'. Well Jamie would know I guess what sulking is. Claire, though, thinks that Darren is just annoyed at Camilla's behaviour. Him and much of Australia Claire.

We end tonight's show with Darren bitching to Chris about Camilla. It's starting to get tedious and I'm starting to get tired so let's just say that Darren needs to build a bridge. Camilla is what she is. She's like a driving test. You hate it while it happens and you're glad afterwards that you'll never have to do it again.

Day 83

DAILY SHOW

*Sigh* It's Krystal's birthday. Oh God, why us' The girl is already unbelievably self-obsessed. Now a whole day where she can legitimately be the centre of attention' It's going to be hell.

In the diary room, BB issues a challenge to Captain Claire. Claire is proof that, for some people, mornings really aren't the time they are at their best. BB informs Claire that, if she acts like a real captain, and forces her housemates to pass the task, BB will triple the housemates' budget. She is able to choose a first mate ' out of Chris and Max ' to help her.

Out on the pirate ship, Claire chooses Chris who then has to read a letter from BB. He informs the housemates that, while they have to exist on staples, him and Captain will eat in luxury. David is called to the storeroom where he finds a cooked breakfast of blueberry pancakes for Claire and Chris.

The housemates can only look on while they eat. Krystal and Camilla bitch and moan even though, if they were eating the food, they'd equally bitch about getting fat. No pleasing some people.

Later the housemates are sunbaking when BB announces that Claire and Chris' lunch has arrived. Claire is excited and tells the others what they are having. This simple imparting of information annoys Camilla who says 'I wouldn't rub it in Claire'. Camilla adopts her usual method of telling someone off but then pulling away from the conversation.

Darren suggests to Krystal that they have a mutiny. Krystal reckons that's not a good idea. Darren then heads to what he thinks are greener pastures and asks Jamie. Jamie doesn't think it's a good idea. We are also treated to a close up of the bottom of Jamie's feet, which seem to harbour a whole third world of dirt. He's such a filthy pig.

Camilla has cut into a new load of bread, despite there being an old one. According to Camilla, she did it because she wanted warm bread, not thinking of the impact on other housemates ' ie that two loaves will now go stale simultaneously.

'That's real smart' says Darren. Camilla retaliates by saying that she wanted it so therefore 'I'm going to have it'. 'That's stupid' retorts Darren. 'I think you're overreacting. It's bread Darren'.

Does Camilla ever listen to herself' Only two weeks ago, she and Perry had this exact same argument over cheese, where Camilla reiterated over and over again for Perry to consider the needs of other housemates. Camilla is just a vile, nasty, hypocritical little turd who needs shoveling out of that house.

Later, she bitches to Krystal about, who else, Darren. She then mimics David and him standing up for people. She speculates that David doesn't see through Darren because he's attracted to him. Camilla is still so very burnt over the fact that David is not attracted to her but is attracted to a garden gnome like Darren. That's gotta hurt.

The bell tolls and the housemates race outside. Claire is screaming at the housemates and threatens them with having to scrub the toilet with a toothbrush. I reckon having to scrub Jamie's feet with a toothbrush would be a better punishment.

*Sigh* It's Krystal's birthday. The housemates emerge from the bedroom and discover a chocolate fountain and profiteroles. Camilla, thrilled she finally has a friend her parents didn't rescue from the RSPCA ' again ' is hugging on Krystal and mugging for the camera with chocolate covered teeth.

BB turns on the music, resulting in much teeth clenched dancing. Krystal fast forwards to five years when she's working as an 'exotic dancer' while Jamie examines himself in the mirror and dances with his own reflection. Hey, like, no-one moves, like, he, like can.

Claire is called to the diary room where she is informed by BB of the proposed mutiny. 'You must quash this'. Claire asks what quash means. God she's an idiot. BB tells her to make an example out of one pirate, who is to be marooned on dead man's island. Claire chooses Darren who she thinks is the only housemate cheeky enough to suggest mutiny.

Krystal and Jamie are talking. Camilla is hanging around, though, like a bad smell and tries to interrupt. She starts making fun of them and tells Chris that Jamie and Krystal were supposed to have hooked up. Well it's possible, I guess. They do share a mutual love of mirrors and reflective surfaces,

Jamie admits that he did like Kyrstal to begin with but now they're like brother and sister. Camilla is grunting and snorting.

The bell tolls and the housemates race to the ship. Claire informs them that a housemate has been indulging in mutinous talk. She banishes Darren to the island. The housemates are then told to stand down, except for Darren who has to stay on the island.

Inside the house, Camilla suggests 'why don't we throw rocks at him'. Yep, she actually said that. What a nasty piece of filth.

Meanwhile, Darren is crying outside. Claire eventually goes to free him but immediately notices that he is upset.

Darren walks straight into the bedroom, not making eye contact with anyone and gets into bed. This amuses Krystal who starts to laugh. Classless tart.

Thankfully, despite the two cracks who seem to derive amusement from others' pain, David still seems to have some human decency. 'What's up'' Darren relates him to him a story from his childhood where he was made to sit outside for hours by a teacher and developed hypothermia. He starts to cry again.

David is sweet and pats him on the head saying 'Don't worry about it mate'.

Day 84

DAILY SHOW

We open tonight's episode with BB announcing that Claire and Chris' breakfast is ready. There's bacon, eggs, tomatoes and mushrooms. David, the chef, is confused as to why Claire would choose Chris as a first mate over the original housemates.

Meanwhile Max is stirring some porridge but clearly doesn't find it appetizing. He talks to the other housemates about perhaps trading his portion of mince for some eggs. He claims that he's going to vomit if he has to eat porridge.

Camilla and Krystal, meanwhile, are getting dressed in ensemble no. 85 for the day. So many clothes, and so little fashion sense. Camilla settles on wearing a dead animal while Krystal dons a homeless del mer outfit.

Max is in the diary room and asks BB for two eggs. 'No' is the response. 'Well what do you want me to eat for breakfast'. BB doesn't care, despite Max whinging and moaning the point. Maybe if he wins FNL, Max can take his mama in.

Chris and Camilla are talking in the hammocks. Chris mentions who in the house he wanted to get to know. Naturally, in typically ingratiating style, he says Camilla was high on his list. Camilla, IMO, has a pretty good idea that she's pretty popular outside. Confidence is high in the Cammy Camp.

She checks that Darren isn't around before starting to bitch about him. She then says 'I haven't been attracted to anyone' since entering the house. Well let's see about that. David. Dino. John. Ash. And they're just the ones she's admitted to. Does Camilla think that BB is a silent movie where we hear nothing'

Claire comes out to inform the housemates who they will be manning the ship with. Camilla is desperate to man the ship with Chris however Claire appears to be on a mission to rattle Camilla's cage this week and says no.

Darren and Jamie are talking on the ship. Darren, convinced he is going, asks 'Who will replace me' out of the two new housemates. Jamie doesn't respond. Darren then starts to talk about the new housemates. Jamie still doesn't respond.

Meanwhile, Claire and Chris are enjoying a meal of pizza. Claire informs Chris that she has split up friends on purpose because she's 'mean'. Yep take THAT housemates.

Later, it's Darren and Krystal's turn to man the ship. Darren admits that he can't stop looking at her boobs and describes the tops he likes to see her boobs in. I couldn't help but laugh. Darren is so ******* awkward all the time.

Max eventually comes out to the ship, allowing Krystal to step down. She goes into the bathroom where she finds her new lackey, Camilla. She immediately starts to moan about Darren. 'He just annoys me'.

Goddamn him hey Krystal. How dare he even speak to you, right' Cos you're going places and he's just like so lower than you in that blue singlet. You're on the way up. You're dating a lizard and you have fake titties that don't move when you exercise.

Naturally, Camilla mirrors her new best friend and laughs. Oh Cam, it must be so nice to be liked for once in your life. Enjoy it while it lasts darling.

In the bedroom, Krystal is still moaning about having to man the ship with Darren. 'I hate making conversation with people that I cant talk to'. Maybe Captain Claire can put a mirror out on the ship and Krystal can talk to herself.

Claire is in the diary room and is informed that she must send two housemates ' Camilla and Jamie ' to the punishment room because, I don't know, they annoy the hell out of me. That's a good enough reason.

They are forced to gut fish. Jamie asks Camilla if she likes Chris. Camilla is typically coy and avoids the subject by talking a lot ' suggesting that she does like him but doesn't want to admit it. Camilla thinks Chris, who is sitting on the other side of the window, can't hear her talk out loud.

Thankfully, Jamie saves her from humiliation and they pretend to have been talking about water polo. Ooooh smooth guys. I bet he'll never know. Wink Wink.

Darrena dn Krystal are backing manning the ship. Krystal is sleepy. When Darren tries to whistly and hum at the same time, she gets annoyed and snarls 'What are you doing'' Poor Krystal. How dare Darren try to pass the time doing something other than vacuously staring ahead or bitching about, I don't know, the telescope.

In the punishment room, Camilla is bitching about Darren again, which Jamie finds infinitely funny. She stops though when Darren wanders up to the window and says to Jamie 'Don't you feel like a bitch right now' before dissolving into more giggles.

I'm shocked though. Isn't Camilla all real and honest ' well according to her fans anyway. Why did she stop talking about Darren when he walked up. Another joke' Oh I get it. Haha. Camilla is a gutless coward. That IS funny.

Claire, Chris, David and Max are talking outside. It's playful banter about life in the house and the impact it has had on the two new housemates.

In contrast, the mood inside is much darker. Jamie is sulking about new housemates. He doesn't like the house at the moment and just wishes the original housemates were there. Camilla is trying to rationalize things, because she does like Chris even though she doesn't say it, but it doesn't seem to cheer Jamie up.

Sorry guys, not FNL recap tonight. I'm finding it hard to get much material out of FNL other than 'Camilla is knocked out in the first round'.