Goodbye to the Windowless Palace and hello to the Room with a view of Exploration Transportation and Civilisation (with a detour to smelly markets..).

Ok - so we spent this morning all teary and stuff at the idea we may never again spend a night-or-day in the Windowless Palace, so it was just dawdling around the market stalls, feasting on a typical Malaysian - OMG-how-can-you-fit-so-many-calories-into-one-bite-  breakfast, then decided it was time to head south to the fabled port city of Malacca.

Ma..what you ask? Well the only reason there is a war in Iraq, an ability to protest in China's Hong Kong, elections in the Philippines, and a Prime Minister discussing the need for reform for Aboriginal communities is these Straits of Malacca where Craig and I are busy typing away to you back home.

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Malaysia Malacca Straits

Malaysia Malacca Straits

Dave visits the Malacca Straits in Malaysia


You see European food used to be rather dull and rather poisonous after a few days, until they started dealing with Arabs who just so happened to be sitting on a gold mine, yep that's right, before Europeans craved oil they craved spices, and the Arabs were between them and the Spice Islands. That is until the poor blue-eyed people with the bad food realised if you built a big enough boat and loaded it with enough gunpowder, you could go and get the spices yourself for a fraction of the cost and curtail the rather hostile Arabs who had a penchant for hacking off your head then taking your cash..

Then basic supply and demand comes into play, with the different European powers getting involved, and suddenly the world is carved up by a bunch of gunpowder toting, smelly bad food eating Europeans and this place Malacca was the centre of the fun. So it has been a dream from my time as a wide-eyed kid, still trying to get my head around how I, as a ethnic Anglo-Celt, ended up getting sunburn in Queensland, to come to the Straits of Malacca and look out to the tiny piece of water which started it all and lead to the Dutch controlling Southern Africa (which lead to Apartheid as well as a certain gent's long walk to freedomno not Mandela, I mean Gandhi and him taking the colonised world with him..hence ended what all started here in the Straits of Malacca) which was a pit stop to their colonies here and the British controlling everything else.. because, well, they could.

Whoa world history in two paragraphs?

So what were two Aussie farm boys to do to live out this dream of mineeasy, walk on by the $10 a night backpacker quarter and straight into the swish 5 Star Equatorial Hotel and our suite on the 20th floor with magnificent views of the Straits and the hundreds of oil tankers on their way to fill up your car and that of every Asian nation east of here. Considering there are a few billion, you can imagine how important this view is to the economy of the world.

Just visible in the distance behind the lines of tankers you can make out Indonesia through the smog, which is thanks to their penchant for burning off their invaluable rainforests. It was tempting this morning to get on a ferry to go visit Sumatra for the day seeing as how, when checking out of the hotel with the view, we realised we have another day here in Malaysia.. however we thought best to avoid delays, what with two tsunami warnings in the area the last few days.

So we are headed away from Malacca today, away from where the world collided and left only a few ancient but incredibly significant buildings to show for one of the most incredible meeting points of empires and civilisations, and onto the Cameron Highlands to pick and boil our own tea-  You know the Dilmah ads-  Well that will be me today.. can't wait?

May 29th, 2007 by Farmer Dave

Milo, Markets, Mobile Phones and More Festivals than Melbourne- .oh and a kid Madonna would bitchslap Angelina for

Leaving Malacca turned out to be quite the epic. Firstly I bore witness to the best buffet breakfast ever assembled in the history of a morning meal. My goodness, whatever you wanted,it was there - 8 kinds of eggs..yes 8, beef bacon (for the pork haters), and an entire Japanese section (I left that alone), typical intravenous Western fry everything section, fruits cereals yoghurts etc etc etc section, pancake - n-  waffle section, then the Malay section, the Indian north and south section, and of course the extensive Chinese food area (needless to say- I stayed well clear of anything resembling Rowdy and chooks bits other than between the neck and thigh).Maybe the reasonI had to return some undies- I bought at a department store the other day and go for the extra large had less to do with me being a giant compared to these locals and more to do with my love of all thing "put-in-mouth-able".

I mean we were hooning past Maccas late last night and all the hijab-wearing staff had Shrek ears on so, I had to try their green everything meal, it was gooood, as well as a hotdog snack at the bus terminal, it tasted Rowdy-ish but, I did finish it which is a bad sign. Back to the epic of leaving Malacca, other then my trying to eat the joint out of food, we were running a little late for the bus due to my insatiable appetite for all the markets of Malacca. Luckily we spied a trishaw, which is a flash name for a bicycle with a seat stuck on the side. Most of the trishaws in Malacca were over the top Rio Carnivale affairs, but this one even had twine and sticks keeping it together so we decided to give him our custom.

The old bugger turned out to be 64 and putting his high school aged kids through school.. I was more concerned about him having a coronary on the pedals.Finally we caught the bus back to KL, as it appeared we had just missed the direct bus to Cameron Highlands. It was rather fortuitous because not only did we have the delight of one of the world's cutest kids (hope Angelina isn't reading this otherwise that critter is marked) but also the cover of darkness when the world's most insane bus driver hurtled us up cliffs and gorges to 6000ft in the driving rain.The only other thing keeping our minds off our impending deaths, via a drop off the edge of the narrow road into the forests below, was the constant blaring of mobile phones.

Back home it's of the utmost importance to have a discrete ringtone and answer it as soon as possible. Here it's the opposite, rap on steroids is a favourite, and usually you get to the bit in the track where you Mother %#^@ing B*&%% get your $#%@ing . gets announced, which is a cracker considering the owner is a demure lady in her hijab with her 4 grandkids next to her!!

We woke at "Fathers Guesthouse" to one of the most incredible as well as odd sights I've seenwe were in a rainforest crossed with an Alpine forest, with Malay huts and garish Chinese shopfronts intermingled with vegie gardens and lavish Swiss chalets.. with a swirling mist mixing them all in to make it seem OK. We had a quick breakfast of umm Indian stuff, which was ace, washed down with a few Lassis, yum, then off we trapezed to the summit of Gunung Brinchang which, depending on who you listen to, was between 2000m and 2400m, or from our guesthouse drinking buddy "Bob" (yep all the Malays are Bob here) 6666ft.!!
Straight away we were in a farmers paradise, with crops of every description hanging on for dear life on the step terraced gardens being tended to by Bangladeshi guestworkers. Soon enough the farming plots faded away and the jungle thickened to actually blocking out any sun at all, the track was described to us as an easy walk, ..um define easy walk,  Patches of knee deep mud, climbs straight up of hundreds of metres, all of which is through tree roots of the almost impenetrable jungle. One thing though that really was incredible was the smell, or lack of.. for in the rest of Malaysia, especially the eating areas, the smell is the most pungent and at times unbearable stench, however in the high mountain forest the air was perfect..and the only way to describe it is a similarity to those air fresheners you know, the ones claiming to be forest fresh.
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Malaysia Cameron Highlands

Malaysia Cameron Highlands

Dave explores the Cameron Highlands of Malaysia

We reached the summit of undemarcated height just in time for the mist to set in and give a remarkable view that is typical of alpine heightsnothing but greyish cloud. Not too worry because on the down side we were given some spectacular views of our target destination "Boh Tea Plantation". It was a sight to behold, steep mountain slope after steep mountain slope ofvarying shades of green tea carpet. In our haste to get to the plantation and run like Julie Andrews up the slopes, we headed off on one of my famous "shortcuts", which actually brought us through some extremely interesting terraced farming communities, with their patchwork of vegies and crops.

Long story short, we survived that and several more "shortcuts", which I won't elaborate on, 'cause my mum reads these andI don't want her fretting, especially seeing as though I will be out of contact in Vietnam for a while.