Day 87 to 92

Day 87

DAILY SHOW

Chris is this week's farmhand and BB wakes him early to feed the animals. He opts to take Camilla with him, a dangerous move since mornings aren't usually Camilla's forte. However, she giggles and laughs, no doubt scaring the other housemates shitless in the process.

Later, Claire comments to Krystal that Camilla 'got up happy this morning'. Krystal speculates that Camilla is in love.

In the Rewards Room, Camilla is lying in the bed while Jamie preens in front of the mirror. 'I'm not here to win' says Jamie. Mmmm ok.

Camilla reveals that Krystal was crying and struggling with being in the house. 'Poor darling' responds Jamie. What, no hysterical laughing Jamie' I thought it was funny when someone lost it in the house. Not only hygienically challenged but a hypocrite as well. His parents must be so proud.

Out in the garden, David and Darren are sunbaking. Chris asks Darren if, during the Caribbean feast the night before, he kissed David on the mouth. Chris is stirring trouble, no doubt because that will please Queen Camilla, Wench of the Shrek.

In the Rewards Room, Jamie is prodding Camilla about Chris. Jamie is playing one of two angles here. Either he is genuinely interested in Camilla's feelings, which would make a change as there is only one person Jamie is more interested in than himself ' his reflection ' or he is fearful of losing his alliance with Camilla and Krystal.

Later, Jamie and Krystal are talking in the bedroom. Jamie admits that he, too, is struggling this week with being in the house. Hang on Jamie. Let me just get David to come and laugh at you. Wouldn't that, like, be such, a, like, COOL thing to, like do, like'

Krystal reckons her and Jamie have a lot in common. Yep, vacuous, self-obsessed, vicious morons. They're a pigeon pair!

Darren, Chris and Claire kick a ball outside. Camilla watches from inside, keeping an eye on her new prey, Chris. David asks her if they have kissed yet. Camilla says no. She then jokes that Chris likes Claire. Claire better hope that's not true or she'll be Camilla's next victim.

It's time for the Darren's eviction. As his name is announced, Camilla can barely conceal the smirk. She and Jamie exchange giggles as Darren says goodbye.

David wanders outside and sits on a rock. Claire comes out to see him. 'You're not upset are you'' David talks about how Darren was a good mate. He speculates on whether it's a double eviction and says, if it was, he would most want to be evicted with Darren.

The housemates gather to hear Darren's message. Krystal's eye makeup is a stroke away from being a Zorro mask. The message starts and Darren comments that Krystal knows what she wants and goes after it. He also says, and it's kind heartbreaking, that she couldn't be bothered with him but that ok because not everyone will get along.

He calls Camilla 'the biggest whinger' which results in Camilla, class as always, saying 'Fuck you'. He does say though that she taught him tolerance. Well, Darren, mate, you deserve the fucking Holy Grail medal of tolerance for putting up with that bully.

He tells Claire that she's his perfect girl. For David, he says that David restored his faith in people and that 'I trust you with my life'. David openly cries.

As the message ends, Camilla starts bitching immediately about Darren's message. She reckons she stands up for herself. Yeah, when the person you're standing up to isn't around to hear you. Real brave love.

She continues to whinge, which makes Jamie laugh at the irony of Camilla whinging about being called a whinger. She gets upset, but not as upset as she would have been had it not been Jamie. She throws a tantrum and storms into the bedroom. Camilla loves to be 'real' but really hates it when anyone else is.

I can see why her, Jamie and Krystal get along. They're all hypocrites that will never argue because they shift the goalposts of acceptable behaviour so often that they'll always agree with each other.

It's time for a moment of pure karma. With Darren's departure, Camilla is now dish pig. She starts to whinge about being dish pig. Not all is lost though. She doesn't let the opportunity to bitch about Darren more let slip, commenting on his physical appearance and that 'he gave everyone the willies'.

I've figured out Camilla's hatred of Darren. Camilla says she's real and honest but she's not. Darren was real and honest. Never backed down and said what he wanted. He was the quintessential housemate in that regard. Where the others promised honesty, he actually delivered. Camilla hated this because he was everything she isn't.

David is in the diary room. He talks about how much he liked Darren. BB wants to know how Darren's eviction will impact his relationships in the house. He thinks his relationships with Camilla and Krystal will improve but that he also resents them for their diabolical treatment of Darren.

Camilla is bitching, again, to Chris and Jamie. This time it's about David and how she's 'had enough'. Well Camilla can afford to be picky. She no longer needs David now that's she's all popular with the 'cool' kids.

David reveals to Claire that he's never had a friendship like the one he had with Darren. He then says being in the BB house has been 'the best experience of my life'.

Camilla and Chris get cosy in bed. Chris strokes her arm, leading Camilla to smile. Oh, how sweet. Camilla has a friend. And it's not someone her parents paid. Or did they'

Meanwhile, Krystal and Jamie are still talking. Jamie promises not to try and score with Krystal. Good. We don't need the two most self-obsessed people in the house hooking up. Imagine the kissing. It would have to be done in front of mirrors and they would both have to have views of themselves. Logistical nightmare.

NOMINATIONS

Claire

2pts: Camilla ' made the task very difficult, negative,

1pt: Jamie ' did not clean the house properly, is not cleaning the toilet.

Jamie

2pts: David ' thinks he has a divine right to be here, self-righteous, interrogates people.

1pt: Chris ' a lot like Jamie, threat to Jamie, occupies the same niche

Hang on, I thought Jamie wasn't interested in the game, so why is he nominating for strategic reasons' Oh yeah, sorry, he's a hypocrite. My mistake.

Chris

2pts: David ' trying to put him in uncomfortable positions

1pt: Max ' purely on strategy, biggest threat

Camilla

2pts: Claire ' one of my best friends but she is here to win, my greatest competition, Claire wants to use the money to save animals - wow, that's bad!

1pt: David ' barely seen David for three weeks, quite offended by him being nice to her

Krystal

2pts: David ' biggest threat in the game, most intelligent, biggest game player, makes her feel uncomfortable,

Krystal doesn't like David playing the game, so she nominates him so that he doesn't win the game' But she isn't interested in the game' Is she for real or does she genuinely have special needs'

1pt: Max ' chauvinistic

Thankfully, Krystal did not use the word 'insuperior' this week, nor, thankfully, the word 'niggering' (which I assume is perhaps a verb describing the behaviour of people of colour). She used words from the English language and words she appeared to understand the meaning of. Well played.

Max

2pts: Chris ' hurt his feelings when he made the comment about overweight women with confidence

This nomination will earn Max the save votes of many women around the country. Chris' comments were vile and uncalled for. They have been covered up by BB, presumably because the producers are quite happy to have Camilla get a love interest. Enough of us saw them and will happily vote Chris out this week.

1pt: Camilla ' laughs at him, she's rude, doesn't let him have her say

David

2pts: Krystal ' Nasty towards people

1pt: Chris ' walks around with his pants hanging down, spends time on his outward appearance, I don't like punk rockers

David's second nomination was the most incoherent nomination I've ever heard. I think he was taking the piss though. A couple of times, he was smirking and laughing. Or maybe he seriously is insane.

Whatever, he has failed to nominate properly. He may have failed there but he succeeded in making me wet my pants. Funniest. Nomination. Ever.

It's time for the first nomination announcement: David, Chris, Camilla

Camilla shoots a look to Jamie. Jamie pretends to contemplate.

Jamie chooses to exercise the three point twist on Camilla because he thinks she deserves a break. You may live to regret that decision oh head banded one.

The housemates up for nomination are: David, Chris, Claire, Krystal, Max. Camilla tries to stifle a giggle that she isn't up. Come on crack, don't hide the fact that you're happy. You're real and honest remember'

Darren was also on tonight's nomination show. Thankfully, all the audience members were over the age of 18 and therefore mature enough not to boo him. Darren's comments were extraordinarily insightful and he predicted pretty much each nomination. Gretel seemed unprepared to have an intelligent housemate on stage that she didn't have to prompt or assist. Go Dags.

As for who will go this week, while I'd like to see Chris and Krystal go, I think Chris and Claire is more likely. Which could kind of suck for the house but can you imagine Camilla's jealousy knowing that Chris was out there sharing eviction glory with the one girl in the house that threatens Camilla like no other ' Claire' Champagne television.

Day 88

DAILY SHOW

It's Monday night and Jamie has exercised the three points on Princess Fiona. They hug afterwards and Camilla whispers 'I appreciate it so much'.

David also congratulates Camilla 'You were saved'.

Jamie is outside, contemplating his decision. However, he's not contemplating too much given that he's still within a metre of the mirrors. This is so he can look at himself in 'pensive reflection' mode.

Max joins Jamie and gives him a hug. Jamie admits that 'I feel pretty weird' as he expected to be dragged up into the nominations.

In the bedroom, Krystal tells Jamie not to worry. Yeah, cos this IS ALL ABOUT YOU KRYSTAL. Self-obsessed anyone' 'Love you Jamie' she chirps as she runs out of the bedroom.

David is in the diary room. He talks about it not being surprising that Jamie chose Camilla to take the three points from. He says it's 'strange' for Claire to be nominated.

In the dining room, Princess Fiona is edumucating the other housemates on the ways of BB. Which is kind of like Elizabeth Taylor talking about her strident opposition to divorce.

She then moves on to moan about David for, I don't know, breathing in her vicinity. Her and Krystal are holding hands at the table, leading me to believe that the two have mastered some method of brain sharing. Hey, two half brains are better than nothing, which is what Jamie is looking down the barrel at right now.

David has come out of the diary room and is having a snooze in the bedroom. He looks at his photo of Sherif and, somewhat embarrassingly, gives it a smooch. I hope Sherif isn't a punk rocker. David has issues with those.

Camilla is arguing with people who dare to question her almighty opinion. Claire says that she is not camera focused, responding to an accusation by Camilla that certain people in the house are very aware of the cameras. Funnily, Camilla does not direct this accusation to her two mates (Krystal and Jamie) who are, arguably, the most camera conscious.

Chris wades into the debate and advises Camilla that people are entitled to have different views and that it doesn't make them right or wrong. Camilla starts finger pointing and sternly orders Chris to 'Wait' while she continues to spout more a-grade bullflop. Chris mimics her which will no doubt result in her eating him whole later.

Claire responds to Camilla in a way that only serves to infuriate Camilla. She is calm and collected. 'I'll say and do what I want Camilla' Claire says. Such restraint annoys Camilla who is used to rattling cages, getting yelled at and then playing the victim.

She storms off into the bedroom for a sulk. She goes to her bed and maturely flings Chris' belongings across the room. This wakes David who asks 'What are you doing'' Gratefully, she runs over and climbs into bed with David who cuddles her. Ah Camilla, you should have stuck with David.

Later, she starts to cry. All the housemates aside from Krystal and Jamie leave the room. 'I don't feel like I'm living in my own house anymore'. Ah, it's not your house Camilla. I don't recall when BB sold you the house and you were able to dictate who could talk and when.

She moans about people walking away. Krystal and Jamie argue that the other housemates 'don't know you as well as we do'.

Camilla uses the opportunity to start whinging about Claire and the fact that Claire hasn't comforted her. She moans again about the BB house being 'my fucking house'.

She then speculates that all the other housemates are making fun of her. She thinks this because this is precisely the type of thing she does when other people are upset. Laugh and bitch.

Claire and Chris come to see how she's doing. Not shown on the daily show (presumably because BB doesn't want us to see the good side of Claire) is Claire asking 'Are you ok, Cammy' Camilla isn't in the mood for visitors however, even though she moaned about noone caring before, and says 'Go away'.'

In the kitchen, Chris and Claire speculation with David and Max as to which of them has annoyed Camilla the most.

Camilla ends the whinge session by saying she can't be herself anymore. What Camilla really means is that she's annoyed that other housemates have started to stand up for themselves, resulting in her being unable to bully and bulldoze other people.

Chris goes into the diary room to talk about the nights' events. He talks about how Camilla told him she would be honest with him always but that 'tonight I saw a side of her that was very deceitful and very very sneaky'.

He says he is disappointed that she is trying to alienate people in the house. 'It's a horrible thing to do'. He then wonders if the witches cauldron are 'the best actors' he's ever met. You just figured that out mate'

Meanwhile, the witches are out in the hot tub. The bitching starts up again. Camilla wonders if Chris has been using her. Jamie and Krystal say no. Camilla begs them to give him a message from her. What, are you 12'

Unable to get any more mileage on the Chris issue, Camilla starts in on Claire again, accusing her of not being genuine. Krystal immediately jumps to the defends of Claire, a move that annoys Camilla. She wonders if she's just jealous. That would be my diagnosis.

In the bedroom, Camilla makes a move on Chris. She apologises to him about her behaviour saying that she's been feeling insecure in the house.

Chris won't let her get away with her behaviour that easily. He confronts her on her two-faced behaviour. She comments that crying is seen as a sign of weakness. Yeah well she'd know. David couldn't shed tears without her celebrating about it.

Eventually, they go to bed together. But is this the start of the end' Will Camilla do to Chris what she's done to every other housemate. I say yes.

Day 89

DAILY SHOW

Camilla and Chris are feeding the farm animals, however relations are still awkward after their stoush the previous night. Chris admits that he is still thinking about the previous night's argument.

Camilla, as per usual, blames everything and everyone except, well, herself. She said her behaviour wasn't anything to do with him despite the fact that she opened his drawers, threw his belongings around the room and then bitched to the other housemates about him.

Max leads this morning's aerobics. It's an energetic affair as yells that he wants to see Claire 'bounce'. Unfortunately, all the energy makes David fall for apparently no good reason. It's all good. David is hot. Max ends the session by teaching the housemates the 'Who's your daddy' move.

Immediately after they finish, Camilla speaks to Jamie in the gym. She reveals that Chris took her attack on him personally. How else was he supposed to take it' Camilla has serious issues in facing the consequences of her actions. She either pretends it was all a 'joke', grovels or blames the other person for her poor behaviour.

Jamie tries valiantly to listen but the lure of looking at himself in the mirror is all too much.

Meanwhile, Chris talks to David and Max about Camilla's two-faced behaviour.

Later, Krystal comments on Max being a 'great baker'. Jamie says that Max is the 'nicest, happiest guy ever'. They both talk about how Chris dominated the housemates' attention at first but that Max has come out of his shell.

Chris tells Camilla that he wants a 'hot girlfriend. It's ok to want that'. Sure, but you probably need to be able to offer something in return. And something other than the promise of indecent exposure.

BB informs Max that he has to clean the windows around the pool. 'Again'' he moans before he slowly gets up. The housemates all murmur 'poor Max' but none actually get up to keep him company.

Jamie and Krystal are talking. Jamie talks about how Darren thought that Jamie would be like the school bully. Well, truth be told, he wasn't. He was just a bitch behind his back. Krystal, however, compliments Jamie. 'You're not like that'.

Camilla has been bitten on the ear. Jamie speculates whether it might have been Chris. Well, yeah either that or fleas. Camilla moans that she doesn't want a boyfriend who will argue with her. Well thank Christ we got that sorted out.

Camilla decides to have a snooze in the bedroom. Krystal is examining herself when Jamie enters the bedroom. He picks her up and throws her over his shoulder.

After she has wandered off, Jamie talks to Camilla. Jamie reveals that he only came into the bedroom because Max farted in the kitchen. Chris then enters the bedroom for a snooze but rejects Camilla's invitation to snuggle in with her.

Jamie is in the diary room in an attempt to influence the voting for this week. He says he doesn't want Krystal and the new housemates to go. Well that leaves Claire and David who are, surprise surprise, Jamie's true threats in the house. What are the odds'

He very clearly states that he wants David to be evicted. What you think you can say that and it will magically happen' If that was possible, then we would have all wished for you to wash your clothes but, since that hasn't happened, I'm not about to hold my breath that your David evict mantra will work

Tonight's episode ends with boring montages. David, Claire and Max are rocking off in the dining room.

Jamie and Krystal are talking in the hammocks. Krystal comments that Camilla and Chris are 'rende-voosing'. Jamie admits that he wants to put his relationship with Katie on hold because he doesn't want to have to answer questions when he gets out.

Finally, Camilla can't believe she's still in the house. Well, neither can we love.

Day 91

DAILY SHOW

Sorry there is no recap from last night. Yours truly was, as of yestertday, promoted and, to celebrate, I enjoyed a great evening out with my colleages. Go the Heminator!

Anyway, back to tonight's daily show. It's apparent that BB is running out of ideas given that, this week, we have a mountaineering task. About the only exciting thing that can come from this is perhaps a broken limb.

David leads the morning aerobics. It's not approached with any gusto by any of the housemates. Jamie jokes 'These moves are so fresh'. Unlike your GODDAMN FILTHY PANTS, PUNK.

After a fiery Wednesday night dinner, during which the house bogans went on the attack (much as they do on the outside when they have to endure the indignity of handing their Centrelink forms in), David is in the diary room.

He confides that, today, he would prefer to be on his farm. 'I feel like I'm on a leash. I'm inside a cage. I am feeling'.. captive'.

In the bedroom, Camilla reveals that there is a lot of stuff in her head. And on her face. She moans to Chris about the family dinner. 'I always end up looking like a massive bitch'. Ever wonder why that might be Camilla'

The self-assessment though, is just a lead in for yet another bitch about Claire. I truly think that Camilla believes she can influence evictions. After succeeding with Darren, she has turned her attention to Claire.

All this amounts to is that Camilla hates anyone being friends with David. By eliminating all of David's support in the house, they can be together. She hates that anyone else might get along with David and so, rather than just accept that shit happens, she chooses to attack and eliminate.

Still in the diary room, David admits that he is self-absorbed. He says he shouldn't be so sensitive to everyone. 'Enjoy the experience'.

In the bedroom, Camilla moans about Claire and David's friendship. She dislikes that they have an alliance. But it's ok for her to have an alliance with Jamie and Krystal' 'Do right and Do righter' she names them.

She then goes back to moaning about Claire. She says that some housemates are 'superhuman' and never break down. No, it's just that some of us having better coping skills.

Camilla is in the diary room, further trying to influence voting against Claire. Camilla says that, in the morning she says 'Hi Claire, how are you'' but that Claire doesn't respond to her.

Now, I have NEVER heard Camilla ask anyone how they are in the morning and I certainly have NEVER heard her use that chirpy voice before. So I'm guessing that, since she started this dialogue with BB using a-grade bullflop, that the rest is nonsense.

And it is. It becomes all too clear that her problems aren't really with Claire but Claire's relationship with David. She feels like she can't approach David about anything. Well, given that you've attacked him constantly for going on three weeks, is it any wonder if David isn't receptive to you. Even the stupidest dog figures out that, after 50 kicks in the gut, it's time to run away.

Chris decides he wants to have lunch with everyone, however that will require Camilla to move. Camilla whinges that Chris just wants to eat lunch with Claire and David. Which is bad. Apparently. For some reason.

Krystal and Jamie are watching a magpie eat food. Krystal reckons that you can teach crows to speak. She knows this because that big pile of aged leather, otherwise known as Karen, told her.

Later, Camilla and Krystal settle down for a bitch session. First on the list are Claire and David. Krystal admits that she misses her friendship with Claire and that she can't talk to Claire when David is around.

Camilla admits that she misses David and his friendship. Krystal, though, thinks that David has brainwashed Claire. By being intelligent and open' It's called a proper friendship love. One day you'll understand that.

Claire and David are talking crap outside in the hammocks. They hallucinate as to whether the sky is real. Max joins them whereupon they inform him that the house is not real. Max just seems confused.

In the bedroom, Krystal continues the bitch session about David. She questions whether she could ever be friends with David. How quickly the little tart forgets that, when she was upset last week, rather than jump and laugh at her misery, David comforted her.

Camilla and Krystal are talking about Chris. She says that she wants to be with someone who is more mature. Maybe a geriatric stroke victim who has lost the power of speech might be up for something'

Krystal thinks that Gaelan is 'sexy'. Ok, so Krystal likes reptiles. We get it.

Camilla and David are talking outside. 'I'm so lucky to still be here' she says. She continues to say that sometimes she would rather now know what people thought of her.

Krystal and Jamie start to have a bitch about David. Krystal appears annoyed that David is 'looking' at her. Jamie, who had nothing to say during the family dinner, is suddenly animated when bitching about David.

The show ends tonight with Chris and Camilla in the kitchen. Camilla admits she is lazy but that 'everyone has their vices'.