Day 38 - BIG BROTHER 29/05/2006
DAILY SHOW

We open tonight with Danielle and John in the Rewards Room. They are snuggling in bed. Danielle says she is in an 'affectionate mood' aka horny. John is too but that's not so interesting because John is permanently randy. Eventually, the closest the two get is Danielle putting her arm around him as they go to sleep.

The next morning, David is feeling pensive in the hammock, having been accused of stealing the toothbrushes. He tells Rob that he isn't the toothbrush bandit. He repeats the same to Dino but goes further and says that he's annoyed that the accusations are making him look bad and treated differently by the housemates.

Back in the Rewards Room and John is spooning Danielle. Could this be the start of a new romance? How will Dino react?

When Danielle enters the bedroom, Katie is immediately on the case. She asks if anything went on with John in the Rewards Room. Danielle says no but gets worried when Katie reveals that the boys have been talking about Danielle alot. Katie refuses to say what they've said but assures Danielle that 'it's nothing bad'.

It would appear that John and Danielle are hot property in terms of news in the house. Michael is next to interrogate Danielle about whether her and John spooned last night. Danielle is coy however Michael plays it up and confirms, in his mind anyway (and we all know that Michael the Genius is the only person that matters) that something did happen.

Dino, who has been listening to this conversation, is contemplative. Once Danielle leaves the bedroom, Katie assures him he has nothing to worry about.

Dino says he's not worried but we all know he is. He whinges about Danielle talking to other housemates about their relationship. It 'makes it harder' for him to make a move he says..

Katie tells him he thinks too much. Dino disagrees and says that he doesn't like being told what to do by a girl. He finishes by saying he's not fussed if nothing happens with Danielle.

It's time for the eviction of Michael, much to the pleasure of Krystal who hugs Camilla and John joyously. Krystal talks about how not getting voted out means people want you there. Mmm, maybe not. Often, it just means there was a bigger target or someone that the public wanted out more. Krystal needs to be quiet. Her brains don't work good.

It's time for Michael's farewell video and, like Michael's whole time in the house, he uses it as an opportunity to spout crackpot theories and make himself look intelligent. Highlights included:

* Gaelan is 'an absolute threat'.

* Krystal is another 'extreme threat'. He tells her that looks aren't everything and that, when she gets old, there will be other 18/19 year olds to replace her. It's nasty stuff. True though.

* Rob is the final threat according to Michael. He talks about his erratic moods.

* He tells Jade to 'try to integrate yourself in the group'.

* David has been a 'huge support' but he advises him to play the game.

Michael ends his War and Peace Goodbye message by blathering on about how big a personality he was in the house and how they should all appreciate him. Sheesh, enough already. The man has serious narcissistic tendencies.

Before he signs off, he says that the toothbrushes were hidden by someone who is still in the house. This sends the housemates crazy. The turn the bedroom upside down but find nothing.

Jade is in the Diary Room. She says that Michael ruined any opportunity for her to connect with the girls. She starts to cry (so much for she who said she hated girls crying). She's upset that she is going to suffer because of Michael.

Outside in the kitchen, she makes a comment so vindictive that Danielle actually says something. I'm not kidding. Danielle actually opened her mouth and said something. Danielle says she takes criticism of Michael personally because she considers him a friend. Idiot. He stole your toothbrush and lied about it.

David is mulling over the toothbrush theft. Dino approaches him and says he hopes David won't hold a grudge against him for accusing him of stealing them. David says he won't hold a grudge but that it does make him think.

Dino finally confesses that he finds David's behaviour odd from time to time. Somehow they get onto the subject of Michael. Dino says that, if it's proven that Michael stole the toothbrushes, he won't be friends with him. I bet Michael is real sad about that.

We finish off tonight's episode with a pash fest extravaganza. Krystal and Gaelan, Dino and Danielle, and Jamie and Katie are all pashing under the covers.

LIVE NOMINATIONS

Gretel talks about Michael leaving, before showing the house footage of Michael stealing the toothbrushes. John and Dino are shell shocked by the news that their buddy actually stole the toothbrushes.

No harm done. BB, obviously scared of having green toothed housemates on live television, has put $1 toothbrushes in the shop, resulting in all housemates now having new brushes and clean teeth.

Ashley

2pts: Camilla - 'always complaining about everything'.

1pt: Jade - 'she told everyone in the house how to run the house'.

David

2pts: Dino - makes him 'feel uncomfortable', 'over-competitive', doesn't like that he talks behind his back.

1pt: Krystal - attitude has been mixed, 'confusing and fake'.

Camilla

2pts: Jade - 'least like to live with'. She doesn't like Jade giving orders. 'She doesn't stand by her convictions'.

1pt: Dino - insensitive, 'trickery'.

Rob

2pts: Dino - 'overcompetitive nature', he didn't like being ridden like a toy pony.

1pt: Krystal - 'overly nice, no warmth'.

Katie

2pts: Gaelan - very domineering and controlling.

1pt: Krystal - 'she's really vain'. She doesn't like that Krystal is constantly doing her makeup.

John

2pts: Rob - 'not very comfortable', 'fake'

1pt: Camilla - 'has to put her opinion on everything'.

Danielle

2pts: Jade - 'personality is quite irritating'. She gets bored when talking to her. Now that must be some conversation if Danielle, the walking dead, is bored.

1pt: Ashley - 'doesn't have much respect for anyone elses property'.

Michael is on stage with Gretel. Michael says that him and David did not kiss but that 'it was great editing by BB'. He gets narky with Gretel when she calls him on the editing remark and tells her to let him finish what he's saying.

Gretel then goes postal on him. She tells him off and then invites him to talk without interruption. It's a smackdown of mammoth proportions. Go Gretski. Take the little **** boy down and beat him like a rented mule.

He says nothing happened like what has been portrayed. 'What was the point of that' he asks Gretel, in relation to why she raised the issue in the first place. She advises him to 'look at the footage' before he speaks.

Michael needs to get over himself. His ego is so bruised at none of us understanding his brilliant plan that he has truly gone insane. He is angry, belligerent and nonsensical. Can BB just write him off as a mistake?

Dino

2pts: Jade - 'completely can't get along with her'.

1pt: Camilla - he says she has redemmed herself for him (wow, she must be so proud about that, not pulling her weight around the house.

Claire

2pts: Dino - 'don't feel 100% comfortable around'. 'Talks down to women in the house'.

1pt: David - doesn't know about David as a person.

Jamie

2pts: David - 'controlling', 'condescending', 'an inflated sense of self-importance'.

1pt:Jade - 'irritating', 'domineering'

Gaelan

2pts: Jade - hasn't tried to get to know the housemates.

1pt: Camilla - bit of a drama queen.

Krystal

2pts: Jade - come into the house with an attitude. To be honest, Krystal is making absolutely no sense.

1pt: Dino - arrogant, 'he judges me'.

Jade

2pts: Krystal - superficial, 'places alot of emphasis on how she looks'

1pt: Dino - 'speaks to me with condescension'.

It's time for the first nomination announcement. The housemates up for eviction are: Jade, Dino, Krystal, Camilla.

Gretel apologises for earlier in the show but defends herself by saying that she gets offended by peoples' accusations towards BB. She asks if he has anything to say. He doesn't. It's beautiful television.

It's time for the nomination twist. Danielle chooses to take the three points off Krystal. She then changes her mind and says Jade. Then changes her mind back to Krystal because 'she's been amazing to me'.

Before we find out though the final nominations, it's time for the under the radar vote. The housemates up for this special vote are: Gaelan, Ashley, John, Claire, Krystal. There will be 24 hours to vote after which the nominees will be announced.

BB tells the housemates that the nominees have changed. BB informs them that they are about to change again. 'Some of you have not been honest'. He tells them that the public will vote on who is attempting to fly under the radar. Their names will be added to this week's nominees.

The house has gone crazy. John unfortunate Tourette's Syndrome means he's jerking around like a brown berry Peter Garrett.

We end tonight's show with the footage of Michael and David together. It truly is nothing of note. And Michael has clearly been talking nonsense about editing. He should have known better to go up against the Black Widow. No-one tries to smack down Gretski and leaves unscathed.

Day 39 - BIG BROTHER 30/05/2006
DAILY SHOW / NOMINATION ANNOUNCEMENT

Tonight we open with Gretel, Head Lecturer at Clown College. Not only is she still wearing her clown pants after a hard day's work teaching people to ride unicycles, but she appears to have tipped a bucket of grease over her head as part of the comedy routine. Seriously, who let her out of the dressing room looking like that?

She announces that, in the Under the Radar vote, Krystal is predictably leading. Letting us know this information is a poorly veiled attempt to get people excited and voting more. It's just money-making craziness. Now where did I put my mobile phone. Text J-O-H-N to 19 10 10.

We then get on with the Daily Show. It's the morning after the pash fest of the night before. Danielle reveals that Dino, ever the Prince Charming and lover and respecter of women, got her to kiss him by barking 'Turn around' at her in bed. I bet he's never alone on Valentine's Day.

It's shopping day and top of the list of things to buy are toothbrushes. Dino takes David in to assist with the shopping, which they must do in five minutes. David rushes around crazily and drops a bottle of sauce. They finish up not having spent the entire budget.

The housemates have been banished from the house as BB sets up the house for this week's task. In the hammocks, David and Rob are perving on the male housemates. Both agree that they find Dino attractive. Rob mysteriously finds Ashley attractive. What is it about the farty little bean that is Ashley that makes him so attractive?

The housemates are allowed back in the house, however they must stay on the blue side of the bedroom while Krystal reads out details of the Lords and Ladies of the Manor weekly task. This week, they are going to learn about etiquette, deportment and good manners.

They decide to wager 50% of the shopping budget even though some of them are not entirely sure of what walking properly means. Claire has to explain the details which is kind of like Pauline Hanson talking about the wonderful contribution of Asians to Australia. IT DOESN'T WORK.

Also in this week's task, the boys and girls will be divided into separate bedrooms. The boys must enter the girls' room by invitation only. The girls end up inviting Gaelan, David, Rob and Ashley, leaving Dino, Jamie and John on the outer. Dino quickly assesses that those who were asked in were 'gay, adorable or sexy'.

Krystal, Camilla and Claire are talking about Danielle and her relationship with Dino and John. Claire says that Danielle needs to be careful of the love triangle that is developing. Krystal reckons that Danielle doesn't know what it is that she likes about Dino (we don't know either but that's beside the point). I once felt the same way about fluorescent socks but I got over it quick enough.

Katie and Jamie are somewhat disturbed by the new sleeping arrangements and want to know if they can have sleepovers. BB asks if ladies have sleepovers. Katie says 'Naughty ladies yes'.

In the end, they decide against jeapordising the task for a bit of rumpty pumpty and agree to sleep separately.

Queen Dino is bitching to Camilla about Michael's pranks in the house. 'If it turns out that he was [the toothbrush thief], then it's not cool with me'. He then reveals that Camilla is 'real' with him as opposed to other housemates. If real is supposed to be reflective of Camilla's face, then that's a reality I could do without.

Meanwhile, Dino's love interest, Danielle, is gushing to Krystal, Claire, Jade and Katie about how kissing Dino was worth the wait. Krystal warns her though that if she doesn't like him, she's giving him false hope. I would think that's the best Dino could hope for. Who else would tolerate a mysoginist piglet like him otherwise?

Talk turns to Krystal's relationship with Gaelan. Krystal likes that Gaelan is immature despite that fact that, in any other universe, immaturity is not a positive in a relationship. She then goes on to say 'We've had a couple of good conversations'. Probably about Tonka Trunks. Yep definitely about Tonka Trucks.

In the bedroom, Jade is lecturing the other housemates as to her personality. 'I'm going to be myself' which is unfortunate, given that Jade's personality is, without question, the type to make people commit physical assaults. Don't you just want to smack her up what good?

Her diatribe is interrupted by Camilla catching John and Dino eavesdropping at the bedroom door. Thank Christ for that.

John and Dino, having been caught out, settle down to talk about Danielle. John asks Dino what happened the night before. Dino starts to talk but then catches himself and, using the excuse of the task, says it would not be gentlemanly of him to boast.

Later, Claire talks to John about his feelings for Danielle. It's a painful, winding conversation. Ultimately, though, we find out that John indeed likes Danielle.

In the bedroom, David asks Jade what has annoyed her this week. As is Jade's way, a straight answer is not forthcoming. I stopped listening but I did catch that Dino doesn't talk to her.

We see the announcement by BB that housemates will be voted by the public to undergo an Under the Radar vote. The housemates are perturbed but none more so than Jamie. He says the vote is not fair. I wonder why Jamie is bothering with pants if he isn't going to wear them around his nether regions. Just go without I say.

John and Camilla are debriefing. John is concerned that, whoever gets picks as the Under the Radar vote will be at greater risk of being voted out. I don't know why John is worried. If he's not flying under the radar, then he won't be voted in. If he is, well bear the consequences matey and get more exciting.

Katie too is worried about the vote. Krystal, who does not appear to truly understand the mechanics of this game says that it's a good thing not to be nominated, not realising that lack of nomination is often an indication of under the radar behaviour.

The harps sound in the house, meaning that all the housemates must run to a heart in the garden and engage in a group hug.

The housemates are talking about the lie risk detector. Jamie is worried that he might have been less than honest. Katie says she would still love Jamie if he had acne. We're at DefCon1 people. Love overcomes acne.

Dino and Danielle are talking in the bedroom. Dino is wearing Danielle's headband. When he starts wearing her knickers, then I'll worry. 'Tell me more about me' he says. She then proceeds to talk about how intimidated she was by him at first but not now.

Jamie is still disturbed and goes into the diary room. He says that he's taking his relationship with Katie day by day and is 'becoming more and more sure about' it. He is worried though that he's come across as tentative and unsure. 'I don't want her to think that I've been dishonest'.What is bothering Jamie so much? Only the headband holding his brains in knows.

Boredom has set in. John dares Dino to go into the garden without his microphone and yell 'Come and get me BB'. Dino obliges and not only cops a $5000 fine but is called to the diary room. BB lectures him about deliberately breaking the rules and then says 'this matter is not over'.

Krystal and Gaelan are pashing. Krystal reminds Gaelan that they have to kiss silently, forgetting that 10 or so housemates are the least of their problems when thousands are watching them on TV. Has Krystal's brain been evicted because she's been coming out with some crank-induced remarks lately.

Jamie and Katie are talking. Jamie says that Katie doesn't trust him and doesn't see a future with him. Katie assures him that, while she does have trust issues, she's never trusted a guy like she's trusted him. Jamie says 'I would choose you over the money'.

It's time to announce the nominations to the house. Strangely, Danielle is scrubbing Krystal's feet. It's a bit of reality I don't need.

The nominees for this week are: Dino, Jade, Camilla, Krystal, John. But that's not quite all. This week is a double eviction.

We end tonight's show with John's Tourette's Syndrome going ape. He is angry at being nominated. It's the only emotion we're likely to see out of John. Vote him out this week and spare us having to sit through any more weeks of his twitches, and his sister and her twirly chair obsession.

DAY 40 - BIG BROTHER 31/05/2006
DAILY SHOW

It's early morning and Dino is called to the Diary Room. BB reminds him that he intentionally breached a house rule in not wearing a microphone. Not only can he not speak to any other housemate until further notice, he also has to match nuts and bolts that are soaking in oil in the Punishment Room.

In the bedroom, David confesses that he quite liked having the girls sleep in another room. Yeah I'll bet.

Meanwhile, Camilla and Krystal are speculating about who Danielle, in using her three point twist, might have taken the points off. Both are in agreement that it was either Krystal or Dino. Why is BB not punishing them for talking about nominations?

After a few hours in the Punishment Room, Dino is relieved of his duties. BB warns him that, if he continues to deliberately break the rules, 'there will be dire consequences'. Like washing Gretel's hair. Dino is contrite and apologises for being naughty.

Outside Dino dares John to end every sentence with an affectionate term (pumpkin, hon, darling) when talking to Danielle. If he doesn't, he must slap himself across the face. This should be good.

BB separates the housemates into boys and girls in order for them to read further information about this week's task. Girls will learn how to walk upright. The boys have to wear bow ties, shave, open doors for ladies, must not fart, swear or burp in the presence of ladies, and part their hair on the left.
Practice begins immediately:

* Ashley struggles with identifying what is left and right. Shut up. Don't laugh. Ok laugh a little then.

* Dino, John and David practise standing up in the presence of females. ?Do I hear someone calling me. Oh not, it's just Camilla' says Dino. Dino needs to treat Camilla with respect or she might rub her face on him.

* The girls walk around with books on their heads in order to encourage good posture.

After practice, the boys make a grand entrance into the lounge with their bow ties and new 'dos. For some reason, they believe that being gentlemen must involve some form of extreme mincing. Rob must be so proud.

In the kitchen, Danielle is talking to John and Jade. John is continuing with the dare of calling Danielle affectionate names, however she picks up on it immediately. He stops in an attempt to deflect attention away but then starts slapping himself, as per the terms of the bet. Dino is wetting himself.

Danielle says 'I'm not just a pretty face, I notice this stuff'. She and some of the other girls decide to wreak revenge on the guys for the bet. Katie suggests stealing the boys' doonas and stashing them in the girls' bedroom. As the guys can't enter without an invitation, they will be without bedding for a while. It's a cunning plan.

Jade is talking to Ashley in the kitchen about she annoys people in the outside world but in the house, no-one has said anything to her. Ashley, diplomatic as ever, tells her that he is treating his time in the house like a holiday.

Camilla decides to stir the pot and asks the boys who stole their doonas. Gaelan, John and Jamie get up immediately to investigate. Discovering that the doonas are in the girls' room, they enter ' without an invitation ' and are immediately called to the diary room by BB.

BB informs them of the rule they have broken and then sets their punishment. They must stand on the deck near the spa and stand to attention until further notice. Jamie smirks leading BB to asking 'Is something amusing you Jamie' Do you care to share the joke'?

'Why are Pirates pirates' Because they arrrrrrre', he replies.

BB says he finds the joke funny. So funny that he wants to hear Jamie tell the joke to Gaelan and John 100 times whilst they are standing on the deck.

Standing out on the deck, the housemates take the opportunity to pelt the naughty three with balls, towels and anything else they can grab. Jade, meanwhile, is in the kitchen cleaning. She doesn't find the afternoon's events very interesting. 'I'm not really that boring. Not my type of fun'.

It's time for the long awaited nomination announcement. This week, we have John, Camilla, Jade, Krystal and Dino up for double eviction. At the mere mention of his name, John cracks the shits. He says he's not going to change himself to 'please them [the audience]'. While his twitching reaches earthquake tremor levels, he says 'I'm not happy. It's like putting someone on death row'. Oh FFS, death row'

It's the aftermath of the nominations. Gaelan and Krystal have a quick pash while Danielle is upset that her 'mates are up for eviction'.

Dino is talking to the male housemates about the three point twist. He admits that 'I'd pick a friend over a fling', but was still hoping that Danielle might have taken the points off him. 'That was my reality check. My ego's not always right'.

Jade tells the female housemates that she's almost a certainty to leave on Sunday night so they better get to know her now. Jade has obviously adopted the approach of 'Well I can't woo them with my personality, I'll get them with the pity vote'. Can BB give Jade something to do please

DAY 41 - BIG BROTHER 01/06/2006
DAILY SHOW

Jade has been called to the Diary Room to receive her latest mission ' Spread the Love - as the new, improved Insider. She is given a buzzer by BB. Whenever she feels the buzzer vibrate she must touch her heart to reveal that she's received the signal. She must then talk to a fellow housemate for at least 30 seconds and, in that conversation, she must say the word 'love' three times (non-consecutively).

If she succeeds in this task, she will be immune from the next public vote. If she fails, she will be automatically up for eviction. I would like to see Jade really rattle some cages by talking about how much she loves her lady bits. 'You know John, I don't know if you've noticed that I love my boobs. I really love them. They are so perky and look so good in my pink pajamas. I love them too'. Can you imagine the mad *** twitching that would result' Oh god, that would be so funny.

David is taking this Lord and Ladies of the Manor task very seriously. He asks the girls if he can help clean their room and, when he is refused, compliments Camilla on the cleanliness of the bedroom. He follows her into the bathroom and asks if he can open doors and lift bin lids for her.

Jamie is in the bathroom too. He grabs Camilla's hand and kisses it (Brave boy. That hand is always on that face touching those evil pimples). 'It's enchanting to be in your presence once again Camilla'.

Outside in the garden, Jade is buzzed by BB. She starts talking to Katie about she loves her stupid stories. She tells Katie that, since she is probably going this week, she's going to tell all the housemates how much she loves them.

David, Rob and Camilla observe that half the house are now involved in relationships with each other.

Well maybe not for much longer. Jamie and Katie are arguing about absolutely nothing. She tells him that he's too sensitive. Eventually he lies down for a sleep while she wanders off to get a drink. They eventually make up, thereby putting me to sleep for the rest of the night. Could this relationship get any more tedious?

Jade is working her magic on John. She has not taken my advice and is instead complimenting on him being nice to her and 'playing out there honest'. John appears flattered although somewhat confused by the attention. He confides that he can talk to her about anything. 'I'm really touched with what you said before'.

The housemates are in the lounge drinking. Danielle confesses to John that there are three guys in the house she would date on the outside. Dino, Jamie and John. John is excited, resulting in some crazy twitchy mouth movements.

Claire, meanwhile, is sitting on the other side of the lounge watching carefully. She confides to Krystal that the Danielle-Dino-John love triangle is the biggest she's seen. Small world then.

Jade is talking to John about how she gets picked up in bars. She says at least five guys ask for her number a night. And that's on a slow night. Apparently. She wanders over to Danielle and says that she likes John and wants to make out with him.

Danielle responds to this news with maturity. Instead of confessing that she's having conflicting emotions, she drags Victim #1, Dino, into the bedroom where they fall on the bed and start kissing.

It's obviously a theme tonight in the house as all the housemates decide to play Spin the Bottle. Jamie is concerned that, while Katie will be ok with them playing tonight, she will get jealous later on. Dino says he too would get jealous.

First spin and it's Katie and David. Katie faffs about, wondering if it's ok to play. It is, but the kiss ends up brief and uninspiring. Jamie and Krystal kiss however it's just on the cheek. John and Camilla have a full on pash as do Katie and Camilla.

Jamie wanders off the bathroom, followed closely by Jade. He is worried that Katie will get insecure about him kissing other girls but is also annoyed that Krystal won't talk to him out of deference to Katie.

Rob is talking to Krystal and Gaelan in the kitchen. He says he hopes they can make their relationship work outside of the house. Krystal confides that Gaelan's mum sounds scary. Well if she looks like Gaelan, then I too would be scared of Old Mother Lizard Face.

Gaelan reassures her that his mother is lovely. As long as Krystal brings nice tasty insects to eat and a flat rock to put out in the son, I'm sure they'll get along fine.

Danielle is in the bedroom with John and admits that she likes him. She reveals she got jealous when he kissed Camilla. John is noble when he says he won't cut Dino's lunch. She apologises to him. John appreciates her honesty.

Claire and Dino interrupt the beautiful moment. Dino knows the conversation about him but jokes 'Claire, do you want to leave the room because this is obviously about you'. Yes people, I laughed at something Dino said. It was actually funny. I know, I'm confused too.

Danielle, Claire and Krystal are talking in the bedroom. Danielle reveals her confusion about John and Dino. She admits that she doesn't have the connection with Dino that she does with John.

And so, Danielle and John end up together again talking. 'Let's resolve it and forget about it' she says. John emphasizes that he won't do anything and advises her to wait until Sunday because it might change everything.

DAY 45 - BIG BROTHER 05/06/2006
DAILY SHOW

Last night Dino and Danielle took their nightly game of Doctors and Nurses to a new gynecological level. The reaction of the house, for whom excitement revolves around Gaelan making lizard faces at everyone (oh, hang on, that's just his normal face, sorry), is, as to be expected, intense.

Camilla helpfully informs Dino that she made fun of the pashing session. However, since noone listens to Camilla, the remark went unheard ' both last night and this morning. Krystal, meanwhile, is too busy cramming her loose puppies into yet another ill-fitting top.

David says that he saw Danielle put her hands down Dino's pants, a charge that Danielle denies vehemently. Krystal, having completed the mammoth job of containing her wild wahooblies confirms that she saw them 'making out heavily'.

In the kitchen, it is clear that Dino has some buyer's remorse over the previous night. He gets cranky with the housemates' constant probing and wanders outside to have a snooze on a deckchair.

When Danielle enters the kitchen, Rob advises Danielle to speak to Dino because he needs 'emotional counseling'. Apparently, this assessment by Rob is wrong as, when Danielle goes out to talk to Dino, he is dismissive and cold. 'He'll get over it' she tells the others.

Katie cleverly observes that there are now three couples in the house. Such information does not sit well with Camilla who informs everyone that she hates 'domesticated people'. She also throws in another quick bitch about Dino and Danielle not being suited.

Danielle approaches Dino in the kitchen and tells him that David is just a stirrer. When she wanders off, Rob advises Dino to have faith in himself and 'relax and rock n' roll'. Whatever the hell that means.

[I missed the next five minutes due to my little one teething and needing cuddles before bed. Sorry].

Danielle is crying in the bedroom over Dino being a pig. The girls ask if he's apologized but he hasn't. The girls all agree that he's a 'bastard'.

In the kitchen, Jamie is wearing a stripy sock on his arm. He whinges about Rob helping him with the cooking. Because, like, being helpful is so annoying and irritating dude. Better to be John and add nothing but twitches and squeaks. Now that's contributing

It's time for the Double Eviction. The first housemate to go is Jade. No-one cares.

While the housemates wait for the next eviction, Danielle confesses to David that it is Dino that she cares about. Oh what a shame then that Dino is the next evicted housemate. As he leaves the house, Ashley picks his nose.

Danielle immediately starts crying. Krystal, drawing upon long learnt school lessons of Skankography, tells her that Dino leaving will 'help make up her mind' about John. F*ck me Krystal, this isn't like buying a puppy.

Jamie starts crying in a most unmanly like fashion and is comforted by Katie. He starts to spurt boogers and sob. Geez, can we get some perspective in the house?

John tries to comfort him. I'm not sure if John can do anything but I'm sure if he put his twitches into overdrive, at least we would be entertained, even if Jamie isn't.

Jamie then throws a tantrum and kicks the furniture. He wanders into the kitchen to help Rob with the cooking but then storms off to the bathroom to cry some more. Someone slap this buffoon. Seriously. He's giving me the shits.

Camilla is sitting in the bedroom. SHUT YOUR GODDAMN LEGS CAMILLA. She asks Danielle if she's ok. Danielle is ok, thanks to Krystal's pep talk about every cloud having a silver lining.

Rob interrupts to get Jamie's help with dinner. Jamie agrees but he's not happy at being told what to do.

John and Danielle meet up in the girls' room. He asks if she's ok with Dino leaving. I don't know what Danielle says but surely there is medication for what John's mouth does'

It's time for the farewell messages. Jade talks a lot but no-one is really interested. Jamie, in particular, appears lost in his Own Private I'd-a-Ho called Katie. He is missing Dino and is scared of Katie's poly-filler laden face.

It's time for Dino's message. He advises David to forget about morals and principles. Well Dino abandoned his when he signed up for the Joan Collins School of Bitching and look where it got him? He wants to catch up with Danielle outside the house. Jamie is 'the ideal housemate'. If ideal means boring drone, then Jamie is indeed the perfect housemate.

Jamie is out in the gym. He whinges to John that he doesn't fit into the house anymore. Both him and John agree that, on the outside, they and Dino would be hugely popular. Ok. They really need some perspective if they think they are popular in any way, shape or form.

In honour of their dearly departed mate, Dino, they start bitching about Rob and David. Jamie doesn't trust Rob and feels that David belittles him.

John sums up his time in the house by saying that, Dino said everything John wanted to say. That's our boy John. The perfectly boring yes man.

Meanwhile, Rob and David are having their own bitch session. They believe that Jamie is not sincere about his sadness over Dino leaving.

And so ends tonight's show. Can we have an all points bulletin on Gaelan, Ashley and Krystal. Are they still in the house'
LIVE NOMINATIONS

Camilla

2pts: Danielle ' didn't like the love triangle, came to Camilla for advice and then bitched about the advice to other housemates.

1pt: Ashley ' doesn't make decent conversations.

Ashley

Once again I must ask, does Ashley even know where he is' He appears surprised that BB is talking to him.

2pts: Camilla ' finds her immature, doesn't like her stealing lollies.

1pt: Krystal ' is tiring of her obsession with makeup. I think Ash is just jealous of Gaelan and Krystal and wants him all to himself.

Katie

2pts: Rob ' clean freak

1pt: Camilla ' doesn't 'love her grumpiness in the morning'.

Gaelan

2pts: Camilla ' it's all about the stolen lollies again.

1pt: Danielle ' doesn't get along with her, 'doesn't have a personality I take a great liking to'. As opposed to Krystal who doesn't even have a personality.

John

I think John should be allowed more time to nominate. He twitches for a good minute of the two minutes. It's not fair.

2pts: Rob ' tries to dictate the direction of the group.

1pt: David ' pushes his morals on everyone.

John is nominating like a good yes man should. Well done John.

Krystal

Krystal made a pledge not wear makeup for a while. I guess that was shortlived

2pts: Rob ' domineering and bossy

1pt: Katie ' inconsiderate, messy, gets jealous when Krystal talks to Jamie.

Rob

2pts: Katie ' has to step over her stuff, shouldn't treat the house like a 'holiday resort'.

1pt: Jamie - $10000 worth of fine, 'lost money is an embarrassment to the house'.

I wish they could all nominate like Rob. Clear, concise and to the point.

Jamie

2pts: Rob ' insincere, can't trust him. Coincidentally, Jamie used the same words to describe Michael. Does Jamie have an original thought?

1pt: David ' threat to him strategically

David

2pts: John - $15000 in fines, not taking shopping budget seriously, irresponsible.

1pt: Danielle ' grotty

Danielle

2pts: Camilla ' interrupts conversations in order to cause conflict

1pt: Ashley ' wrote his name using Dani's shaving cream. Shut up. It's the little things.

Claire

2pts: Gaelan - bossy

1pt: Ashley ' reserved and distant, he also makes spontaneous noises.

It's time for the first nomination announcement. The housemates up for eviction are: Camilla, Danielle, Rob.

Katie exercises the three point twist. Based on her nominations, you would think that she would pick Danielle but no she chooses to Camilla in order to 'give her a break'.Yeah right.

The three point twist is rendered mute. The same three are up for nomination.