Jan 2, 2008

Hasta ma'ana baby

I don't really see myself as a head case, but seriously, after making a few purchases in Peru, I'm on the edge.

Let me walk you through my latest adventure (in Australian, it's called getting a photo memory chip downloaded to a DVD).

Day one: It's morning, and I casually walk into a photography shop sporting a large sign, "Photos to DVD in 10 minutes", and cheerfully request in broken Spanish the said service, to which I receive an equally cheerful "no problema". So off I go on my merry way, only to return a respectable hour later to find enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl back in 5 minutes. Similiar situation continues each hour with my dismay at the continuation of the post-it note declaring the eventual return of lovely, enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl.

Finally, post-it note has gone and enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl has returned and is as talkative as ever. Oops, that's right, I speak bugger all Spanish. So trepedaciously, I leave the rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl to seek out my multilingual tour guide.

I return with multilingual tour guide only to find rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl replaced by post-it note.

Day 2: It seems the Inca goddess Pachu-Mama is smiling on me as I enter shop accompanied by multilingual tour guide, with post-it note gone and rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl smiling behind desk. After minor South American screaming match, we leave sans DVD and memory card due to pre-booked tour.

Day 3: Returned in gleeful mood from said tour with second memory card for easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl - Why, you say, would I do such an insane act, taking into account the last two days of South American service, I don't have an answer, just listen to my damn story.

On this occasion, easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl ensures me both DVDs will be completed in 30 minutes. In fact, easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl goes so far as to write her guarantee on a slip of paper. (Writing this now, I see great correlations with myself and a 1939 Neville Chamberlain, and his guarantee from a Mr Hitler that he would not invade his neighbours.)

So I return on time, as I assumed my previous tardiness may have attributed to the enduring saga, only to find easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl viewing my photos on her PC. Unusual, I think to myself. Anyways, she declares all is well and ready, however, when I ask for "both" my memory cards she becomes confused and starts removing her clothing, seemingly in search of small memory cards whilst giving me a brilliant one way conversation in Spanish, with some emphasis on 8pm.

Rather nervous that confused easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl has somehow misplaced over 900 of my photos from the past month's world travel, off I race to retrieve multilingual tour guide, to turn rather odd one way conversation into a somewhat recognisable transaction of service for cash.

Returning to shop with multilingual tour guide we are somewhat startled to find confused easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl mid-dance with half a dozen Britney Spears wannabes, ummm, I was too shocked to say much more than what the f&%$, however, multilingual tour guide was not apparently having an inpromptu dance off in photography stores is quite normal, so South American screaming match ensued between multilingual tour guide and Peruvian Britney Spears wannabe easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl.

I stood by as calamity ensued .and remaining Britney Spears wannabes continued with dance off.

Post screaming match, Peruvian Britney Spears wannabe easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl remained adamant that at 8pm all services would be complete.

Mmmm, can you guess where this is leading, I didn't.

So myself and multilingual tour guide return to shop to find four Peruvian Bono wannabe punks in shop, drinking and talking on MSN messenger. Without any conversation, a couple of DVDs and two memory cards are thrown our way.

Call me sceptical, but I said I wasn't paying till I saw the copied DVDs had in fact been copied with my photos.

Post translation, we hear that Peruvian Britney Spears wannabe easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl will return soon to sort out minor issue. Ten minutes pass as we watch punks giggle over MSN conversations.

This is where I slightly lose it at particularly stupid looking, orange sunglass wearing Bono wannabe.

Just in time, Peruvian Britney Spears wannabe easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl turns up and declares that her DVD player has issues and we cannot view the disks. again I return to slightly losing it.

Another ten minutes pass and Peruvian Britney Spears wannabe easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl, who had ducked off into the night, returns and asks us to follow her. Hoping to experience the full South American service, we follow her through the dodgy alleys of Puno, finally hustling into a 2x2 metre shop already filled with four waiting Peruvians, who all eagerly view my photos with great commentary.

I gladly take DVDs and memory cards, hand over my 30 Peruvian soles (about 12 Aussie dollars) and wander back though dodgey alleys with multilingual tour guide in utter disbelief.

Her only comment being..this is South America.

My only comment being... I hope to hell I never see Peruvian Britney Spears wannabe easily exciteable rarely present enthusiastic-overtalkative shopgirl again.